• DONATE NOW
  • About The Art of Autism
  • What is autism?
  • Projects
  • Resources
  • Events
  • Contact
    • Subscribe to our Email List
    • Volunteer
The Art of Autism - Connecting through the Arts Connecting through the Arts
  • Covid-19 posts
  • #ActuallyAutistic bloggers
  • Podcast
  • Poets
  • Artists
  • Parents
  • Siblings
  • Galleries
  • Submit
#ActuallyAutistic Perspective, Females and AutismJune 14, 2016August 22, 2018

Graduation day – a sensory war zone

Stefanie Sacks "Sensory Hell"
Stefanie Sacks "Sensory Hell"

By Katherine Lochhead

That day was overwhelming for me. I woke up that morning, feeling excited and ready for the event that every student looks forward to from Grade 1. I called salons to get my hair and makeup done. It came as a shock to me that most of these places did not have any slots available, I was supposed to have booked ahead of time. I shook off the anxiety that began to creep up and managed to find a place who could take me on short notice.

I found my way to the salon. The walk there was quite a blur for me. My emotions were heightened. This is before the time of cell phones and Google maps, so I was left to find the place on my own accord. It was so bright outside that day, and the traffic seemed extra loud. Every step I took I wanted to take two steps back towards home.

I approached the door of the salon and was immediately filled with a sense of dread. The place looked dark, and I do not like the dark. It looked scary and cold and unfamiliar. But I went in anyhow, and after an uncomfortable wait was seated and ready to begin.

The makeup artist was appalled at my eyebrows and informed me that this was something I should have taken care of days ago, while proceeding to wax as little as she could to prevent redness. This was all so unfamiliar to me; I never went to places to have my hair done, let alone my makeup. I was excited, but I was also sick with uncertainty. I try to embrace new experiences and opportunities, though, so I managed to get through it with minimal discomfort. I was not sure that I liked the end result; the eyebrows were dark and bold, and I am blonde. Part of me wanted to wipe some of it off so that it was less noticeable.

After the salon, it was time to get my dress on and get grad photos taken. My mom picked me up and we headed to Wal-Mart. I am quite self conscious about the way that I look in photos. It seems impossible to get a perfect shot, and nothing less is acceptable. The entire experience was a disappointment for me as I wanted to take a picture without my glasses on but my face appeared childish and unfamiliar to me, and my nose looked fat. Knowing that I had a limited time before the ceremony would start, and not wanting to expel the remaining bit of energy I had left, I finally chose a set of photos and headed off to continue through my day.

We proceeded to the ceremony and I was instructed that we would be taking outdoor photographs. These are a bit easier than individual photos, as I do not have the opportunity to look at each one and decide if it is acceptable. The removal of that decision does alleviate a bit of my discomfort. I had not anticipated how difficult it would be, however, to stand and walk in stiletto type heels in a soft grassy area. With each step I took I sunk into the ground. This caused me a bit of sensory overload, though I recall trying to laugh it off with everyone.

Things get pretty blurry after that. I just kind of blanked out and started to follow instructions while I waited for the whole ordeal to end. I entered a dissociative state of mind. I do not recall walking down the aisle, getting my diploma certificate, or even eating food. I do not recall that my parents were there, though I know they were because of the photographs. I also do not recall any of the students that I graduated with. I do recall being given a chocolate bar “that I did not have to budget for,” as part of the gifts to grads section of the ceremony.

It is hard to describe just how intense this is. But if you can envision for me the feeling of entering a forest and suddenly it is much darker and colder than you prefer. The ground is soft, damp and unfamiliar and you are unsure of your footing. You cannot see properly and everything around you looks dangerous. There are thorns protruding from the plants, glowing eyes in the bushes, and deceptive shadows in the trees. You can hear so many noises, too, and it’s impossible to identify all of them. Your body is filled with fear, your chest is heavy, and you find it hard to breathe. You feel a resistance when trying to go forward, as if you are partially paralyzed. You would stop right there, if not for the disappointment you would cause to those who are waiting for you on the other side. Knowing you must proceed, you do. And when you finally emerge on the other side of the forest? You find a war zone, with guns firing and grenades flying, and the constant booming explosions of land mines all around you.

This is what graduation day looked like from my perspective.

***

Katherine Lockhead

I am a 32 year old female recently diagnosed with Aspergers. I have struggled my entire life with social interactions and was always a little bit odd. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder early into college due to my own determination in seeking out a diagnosis to explain my difficulties with conforming to the expectations that college presents.

Many autistic people have special interest. Some of us have many. I love to draw, especially human faces. I like to colour with high quality pencil crayons and make the drawing look as realistic as I can. I enjoy writing poetry and when I do, I often ensure to follow a pattern of syllables and rhyming schemes. I rap, and can do so as fast and clear as the best rappers in the world.

I am an accountant and have also ventured into less conventional work for a large portion of my life as a way to keep myself independent when the rules of society have become overwhelming. This alternative work and lifestyle has kept me travelling around western Canada for 7 years, and I have thousands of unique and beautiful photographs that really show a different perspective on the world around us.

Recently, I have become interested in sharing my story, through an autobiographical novel. In the process, I am finding that mini-stories are developing that really zoom in on the experience and give the reader a front seat with me in the roller-coaster of emotions that I feel. I have decided that as a way to keep myself motivated and inspired to complete the process of writing an entire novel, that I would share little pieces of me as I go – in hopes that others will be moved by my works and encourage me to keep going.

Featured image: Stefanie Sacks “Sensory Hell” Stefanie’s art can be purchased by emailing her at artwork234@msn.com

Tags from the story
autism, females on the spectrum, first-person account, graduation day, Katherine Lockhead, senses and autism, Sensory Hell, sensory overload, Stefanie Sacks
0
Facebook Twitter Pinterest
Google + LinkedIn Email

You may also like

Art by Malachi
August 4, 2020

Autistic Artist Malachi Inspired by Comic Book Art and Animated Films

HappyRon
February 11, 2020

San Diego musician reveals diagnosis and shares video about autism

Duke
August 23, 2020

Duke Dispels the Myth that Non-Speaking Autistic People Can’t Achieve Independence

Paying respect to the autistic children who lost their lives in Nazi Vienna
December 10, 2018

Paying respect to the autistic children who lost their lives in Nazi Vienna

Austin Jones
May 31, 2018

Unsteadiness and Insecurity on the Autism Spectrum

September 5, 2017

Autistic and Pregnant

Previous articleDr. Stephen Shore: The importance of art and music for autistic people
Next articleHappy Autistic Pride Day June 18 2016 #autisticpride

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Like This Page?

Support our autistic bloggers and artists

Trending

  • Females and Aspergers: A checklist
  • Top 10 signs you have Aspergers
  • Understanding the spectrum – a comic strip explanation
  • The Autism Puzzle Piece: A symbol that’s going to stay or go?
  • 105 Favorite Quotes About Autism and Aspergers
  • How Satoshi Tajiri’s autism helped create Pokemon
  • 50 Positive traits of many with Aspergers
  • Autistic people & empathy: what’s the real story?
Tweets by @artautism

Read Our Disclaimer on Content

Archives

Subscribe to our newsletter

We Respect Your Privacy

Email Privacy Policy

Follow Us On Facebook

The Art of Autism

Follow us on Twitter

Tweets by @artautism

More Stories

K.Kristiann
Parent Perspective

How a Ten Year-Old Autistic Boy Uses Slow-Motion Video To Explain His World

Newsletter

About the Art of Autism

The Art of Autism is a 501c3 nonprofit. We are an international collaboration of talented individuals who have come together to display the creative abilities of people on the autism spectrum and others who are neurodivergent. Our mission is to provide a forum to connect with those who wish to employ these abilities. The Art of Autism accepts many art forms, including blog posts, art, poetry, video submissions and requests for book and film reviews. We seek diverse viewpoints including those from autistic people, parents, siblings, therapists, and others. We look to partner with organizations with similar goals for awareness, acceptance, educational events and the provision of opportunities for our participants.

Popular posts

  • Females and Aspergers: A checklist
  • Top 10 signs you have Aspergers
  • Understanding the spectrum – a comic strip explanation
  • The Autism Puzzle Piece: A symbol that’s going to stay or go?
  • 105 Favorite Quotes About Autism and Aspergers
  • How Satoshi Tajiri’s autism helped create Pokemon
  • Why I No Longer Use the Puzzle Piece in My Jewelry Creations
  • Autistic people & empathy: what’s the real story?
  • 10 ways to help autistic children and adults
  • #ActuallyAutistic bloggers
  • But You Don’t Look Autistic!
  • Recently Diagnosed Scottish Animal Photographer Explains How Autism Gives Her Focus and Drive
  • Why autistic adults struggle with employment
  • Baby talk – why do people talk to #autistic adults and children like they are infants
  • 50 Positive traits of many with Aspergers
  • Neurodiversity: a person, a perspective, a movement?
  • Surprisingly Sympathetic Korean Drama features an Autistic character
  • Autism and writing: how to teach your child to write
  • What is autism?
  • As an Autistic Adult Why the Gift of Ear Muffs made me Sob
  • A look back at the movie Rain Man and how our views of autism have changed
  • Comprende le spectre de l’autisme – version française
  • What it’s Like Being a Self-Diagnosed #ActuallyAutistic Adult
  • On balancing fantasy and reality with an autistic mind
  • The value of art therapy for those on the autism spectrum
  • A lawyer with Aspergers – a review of Roman J. Israel, Esq.
  • A Beautiful Mind: Was Mathematician John Nash Autistic?
  • Dr. Stephen Shore: The importance of art and music for autistic people
  • Movie Review of The Accountant from an autistic perspective
  • The Art of Autism Podcast with Andy Boyd

Popular Tags

about Kevin Hosseini (18) about Stephen Shore (13) about Temple Grandin (34) ActuallyAutistic (86) advocacy (14) art (39) artist (30) artist with autism (16) art therapy (14) aspergers (111) Aspie (18) Austin John Jones (15) autism (266) Autism acceptance (23) autism and employment (17) autism awareness (20) Autism Shift (29) Autism Speaks (18) Autism Unveiled (90) autistic (96) autistic artist (86) autistic artists (39) autistic perspective (19) autistic poet (21) bullying (13) Dear Me (15) Debra Muzikar (111) humor (14) inclusion (16) Keri Bowers (47) Kimberly Gerry-Tucker (34) neurodiversity (42) Nils Skudra (31) nonverbal (14) parenting (36) poetry (23) Ron Sandison (66) savant (15) savant syndrome (14) sensory overload (15) Special Education (17) Stimming (17) synesthesia (15) Tom Iland (15) World Autism Awareness Day (84)

Subscribe to The Art of Autism blogs

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 26,321 other subscribers

We Respect Your Privacy

Read our Email Privacy Policy

Best Autism Blog 2020

ABA Top Autism Blog

Actually Autistic Blogs

Actually Autistic Blogs List

Blog Stats

  • 4,972,261 hits

Archives

Guidestar Seal of Transparency

Search this site

Best Autism Blog

Disclaimer on Content

Read our Disclaimer on Content

Categories

  • #ActuallyAutistic Perspective (455)
  • #ActuallyAutisticPoets (46)
  • About The Art of Autism (6)
  • Advocacy (67)
  • Art Gallery (35)
  • Art of Autism Peace Project (24)
  • Art of Autism Projects (38)
  • Art/Music (53)
  • Artists (125)
  • Autism – General (49)
  • Autism and Holidays (14)
  • Autism Shift (39)
  • Autism Speaks (7)
  • Autism Unveiled (89)
  • AutisticsofColor (42)
  • Book/Movie Review (60)
  • Bullying (7)
  • Casting Call (8)
  • Covid19 (22)
  • Creative Writing (5)
  • Dear Me (15)
  • Education (31)
  • Employment (42)
  • Females and Autism (67)
  • Humor (1)
  • In the News (55)
  • Innovative Programs (23)
  • Interviews (46)
  • Mental Health (67)
  • Mentorship Project (3)
  • Music (5)
  • Parent Perspective (83)
  • Poetry (31)
  • Research (5)
  • Resources (6)
  • Sibling Perspective (16)
  • Spirituality (36)
  • Temple Grandin (16)
  • Uncategorized (13)
  • Video (13)
  • Writing Resources (2)
Copyright ©2011- 2020. The Art of Autism. A registered Trademark. All rights reserved. The Art of Autism, 855 S. Main Ave., Ste K. #313, Fallbrook, CA 92028
Back to top