Females and Aspergers: A checklist

Samantha Craft

This list is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism.

By Samantha Craft

Females with Asperger’s Syndrome: An Unofficial List

Section A: Deep Thinkers

  1. A deep thinker
  2. A prolific writer drawn to poetry
  3. *Highly intelligent
  4. Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes
  5. Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually
  6. Serious and matter-of-fact in nature
  7. Doesn’t take things for granted
  8. Doesn’t simplify
  9. Everything is complex
  10. Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

  1. Naïve
  2. Honest
  3. Experiences trouble with lying
  4. Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty
  5. Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation
  6. Easily fooled and conned
  7. Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed
  8. Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet
  9. Feelings of isolation
  10. Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone

Section C: Escape and Friendship

  1. Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action
  2. Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects
  3. Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming
  4. Escapes through mental processing
  5. Escapes through the rhythm of words
  6. Philosophizes, continually
  7. Had imaginary friends in youth
  8. Imitates people on television or in movies
  9. Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students” “consumers” “members”
  10. Makes friends with older or younger females more so than friends her age (often in young adulthood)
  11. Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, attitude, interests, and manner (sometimes speech)
  12. Obsessively collects and organizes objects
  13. Mastered imitation
  14. Escapes by playing the same music over and over
  15. Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real)
  16. Numbers bring ease (could be numbers associated with patterns, calculations, lists, time and/or personification)
  17. Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging
  18. Escapes into other rooms at parties
  19. Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts
  20. Everything has a purpose

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

  1. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
  2. Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) (might have Synthesia)
  3. Generalized Anxiety
  4. Sense of pending danger or doom
  5. Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)
  6. Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination (may have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and/or Hypotonia and/or POTS syndrome)
  7. Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten
  8. Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues
  9. Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges
  10. Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with a mental illness
  11. Experiences multiple physical symptoms, perhaps labeled “hypochondriac”
  12. Questions place in the world
  13. Often drops small objects
  14. Wonders who she is and what is expected of her
  15. Searches for right and wrong
  16. Since puberty has had bouts of depression (may have PMDD)
  17. Flicks/rubs fingernails, picks scalp/skin, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, paces in circles, and/or clears throat often

Section E: Social Interaction

  1. Friends have ended friendship suddenly (without female with AS understanding why) and/or difficult time making friends
  2. Tendency to overshare
  3. Spills intimate details to strangers
  4. Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class
  5. Little impulse control with speaking when younger
  6. Monopolizes conversation at times
  7. Brings subject back to self
  8. Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling (is not narcissistic)
  9. Shares in order to reach out
  10. Often sounds eager and over-zealous or apathetic and disinterested
  11. Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside
  12. Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly”
  13. Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest or feasible new friendship
  14. Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, body stance, and posture in conversation
  15. Conversation are often exhausting
  16. Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually
  17. Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-filter
  18. Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people
  19. Visualizes and practices how she will act around others
  20. Practices/rehearses in mind what she will say to another before entering the room
  21. Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others
  22. Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situation
  23. Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, inappropriate, or different from others
  24. As a child it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk
  25. Finds norms of conversation confusing
  26. Finds unwritten and unspoken rules difficult to grasp, remember, and apply

Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

  1. Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”
  2. One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)
  3. Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety
  4. Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar
  5. Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up
  6. All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about
  7. She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event
  8. OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)
  9. Questions next steps and movements, continually
  10. Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone
  11. Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk (CBT) doesn’t typically alleviate anxiety. CBT may cause increased feelings of inadequacy.
  12. Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind
  13. Requires a large amount of down time or alone time
  14. Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest
  15. Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms
  16. Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, and/or crowded theater

Section G: Sensitive

  1. Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep
  2. Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort
  3. Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature
  4. Highly intuitive to others’ feelings
  5. Highly empathetic, sometimes to the point of confusion
  6. Takes criticism to heart
  7. Longs to be seen, heard, and understood
  8. Questions if she is a “normal” person
  9. Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions
  10. At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words
  11. Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily, if not hourly
  12. Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work
  13. Views many things as an extension of self
  14. Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment
  15. Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people
  16. Collects or rescues animals (often in childhood)
  17. Huge compassion for suffering (sometimes for inanimate objects/personification)
  18. Sensitive to substances (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, medication, hormones, etc.)
  19. Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action
  20. Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person
  21. Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts

Section H: Sense of Self

  1. Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in
  2. Imitates others without realizing it
  3. Suppresses true wishes (often in young adulthood)
  4. Exhibits codependent behaviors (often in young adulthood)
  5. Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule
  6. Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms
  7. Feelings of extreme isolation
  8. Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work
  9. Switches preferences based on environment and other people
  10. Switches behavior based on environment and other people
  11. Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her
  12. “Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later
  13. Young sounding voice
  14. Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces)
  15. Feels significantly younger on the inside than on the outside (perpetually twelve)

Section I: Confusion

  1. Had a hard time learning that others are not always honest
  2. Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable (self’s and others’)
  3. Confuses appointment times, numbers, and/or dates
  4. Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest
  5. Spoke frankly and literally in youth
  6. Jokes go over the head
  7. Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray
  8. Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme
  9. Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike
  10. Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her
  11. Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity
  12. Difficulty recognizing how extreme emotions (outrage, deep love) will affect her and challenges transferring what has been learned about emotions from one situation to the next
  13. Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white
  14. The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood (all or nothing mentality)
  15. A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world
  16. A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss

Section J: Words, Numbers, and Patterns

  1. Likes to know word origins and/or origin of historical facts/root cause and foundation
  2. Confused when there is more than one meaning (or spelling) to a word
  3. High interest in songs and song lyrics
  4. Notices patterns frequently
  5. Remembers things in visual pictures
  6. Remembers exact details about someone’s life
  7. Has a remarkable memory for certain details
  8. Writes or creates to relieve anxiety
  9. Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words and/or numbers
  10. Words and/or numbers bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship

(Optional) Executive Functioning & Motor Skills  This area isn’t always as evident as other areas

  1. Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship
  2. Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome
  3. New places offer their own set of challenges
  4. Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic
  5. The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety
  6. Mundane tasks are avoided
  7. Cleaning self and home may seem insurmountable
  8. Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task
  9. Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia and/or dysgraphia
  10. A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming
  11. Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class
  12. Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope)

This unofficial checklist can be copied for therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, professors, teachers, and relatives, if Samantha Craft’s name and contact information remain on the print out. This list was created in 2012 and updated in May 2016.

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and based on my experience after 12 years of researching about autism and being officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is not meant to replace the DSM-V Autism Spectrum Disorder definition nor is this list meant to serve as an official diagnostic tool. Hundreds of women have used this list in conjunction with the DSM-IV or DSM-V and a professional mental health professional’s guidance. It is also based on 4.5 years of communicating almost daily with those that are diagnosed with autism and some that believe themselves to be on the spectrum. It is not all inclusive. Some will fit into categories and not be autistic/Asperian. This is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism.

This is an unofficial checklist created by an adult female with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) who has a son with Asperger’s Syndrome. Samantha Craft has a Masters Degree in Education. Samantha Craft does not hold a doctorate in Psychiatry or Psychology. She has a life-credential as a result of being a female with Asperger’s Syndrome and being a parent of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. She has created this list in an effort to assist health professionals in recognizing Asperger’s Syndrome in females—for in-depth information regarding females with AS refer to Craft’s book Everyday Aspergers.

This post is courtesy of Samantha Craft. Her original post can be viewed here.

Related Blog:  Ten Ways to Help Your Autistic Loved One

Top Ten Signs You Have Aspergers

The Art of Autism realizes many people come to this page with the questions Do I have Autism or Do I have Aspergers. We recommend diagnosis by a professional. There are a couple of popular online quizzes which will give you an indication if you are on the spectrum including the Aspie Quiz. And the Autism Spectrum Quotient online test

91 Comments

  • thanks to Sam! Brilliant tools to work with – away from medical model; analysing challenges in an outward-looking way.
    Btw, as I am asked to give my blog address below: My writing is my way of dealing with the challenges and gifts of ND traits!

  • Thank you for this information! I have always felt this way and have always thought something was wrong with me. This brings a light to everything I have been dealing with my entire life. It was like a light bulb went off in my head when I read this. I have been trying to figure out and understand what it is but could never quite get to the basis of truth. I am going to take this to my counselor to address these things…finally! Thank you for stepping out to educate people!

    • Thank you for putting into words what I cannot. I’m 54 yrs old and am only now discovering that I’m not stupid, clumsy, eccentric etc.

    • That’s an interesting question. I think not most people but many women. I identify with every one of these points in varying degrees except the organisation thing. I’m totally messy. Would I qualify for a diagnosis? I doubt it. From what I’ve seen of the professional diagnostic criteria, it doesn’t take many of the points above into account. It’s heavily swayed towards lack of empathy, lack of eye contact and obsessive collecting and lining up of toys. In some ways, the opposite of what many women in the spectrum display.

      • There are diagnostic specialists of Women on the spectrum who agree with the above blog post. It’s just nearly impossible on the NHS

    • Rachel,

      Unless you’re Autistic this is not your place to comment, how dare you trivializing what Autistic people have to go through on a daily basis!!

      It’s this kind of uneducated comment that prevent Autistic people from getting the help they need in society!

      • Emily,

        I don’t believe Rachel intended her question to be trivializing. It’s a legitimate observation and question and imho is not offensive in the.slightest. Whether she’s on the spectrum or not, your response, not her question, is inappropriate. However, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s been very frustrating to have to “force” professional therapists to consider that there are differences in how females on the spectrum present their symptoms. After dealing with professional therapists who are “supposed” to be trained in seeing these differences and attribute them to the correct diagnosis (more than likely you’ve had the experience s that I have with being inappropriately diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Schizo-Affective Disorder, BPD, etc.) having family and friends say “I don’t see it” when they are told you are on the spectrum is beyond frustrating. So having a stranger question this list — the only one of it’s kind that focuses exclusively on females — can be triggering. I’ve found that giving the benefit of the doubt and when it’s simply a question for clarification rather than an attack it’s better to provide more information than to assume it’s an attempt to discredit.

        Yes, I am formally diagnosed ASD.

        • Hi Leslie,

          Your well entitled to your option & personal insight on this, however, it won’t apply directly as a “finalization” for all Autistic individuals, especially telling me my above statement above as “inappropriate” is also wrong to say to someone personally, that’s how you read it, maybe you’re in a different place in life with growth and how you read this today, would you have read this the same with your own personal autistic diffculties a few years back, probably not!

          And anyway, placing a quick blunt comment that Rachel placed above like this, on it’s own, without more explaination in this field, is not mostly going to be taken lightly.

          So as Autistic people like us and others already having difficulty with being understood and heard with individual rights (socially) with nuro-typicals, I think we have this right (at least) to have a place like this website where we don’t have explain ourselves with an unhelpful question & comment like Rachel’s.

          If some nuro-typicals don’t want share in regards to having an open mind with helping then neither I as a Autistic have to go out of my way to explain for them to understand because it’s ridiculously exhausting and life is way too short, we as autistic people need to be growing in what works for us personally not wasting personal time to make all nuro-typicals understand!

          • Emily, I understand your frustration as I have lived my life (many decades) in a world where my perceptions are trivialized. I now have the luxury of avoiding most people with whom I feel uncomfortable, and I have much more time to reflect and analyze situations, good and bad.

            Oftentimes when I feel a strong emotional response to something someone has said, I tell myself that what they said must have “touched a nerve.” I then reflect on why this is.

            Someone close to me in my family has a frequent tendency to trivialize my observations with comments similar to “Isn’t everyone like that?” Comments like this definitely touch a nerve with me. I have found it effective to think about why, and formulate possible constructive responses should this arise again (thinking many steps ahead, including many possible outcomes). This isn’t easy!

        • Hi Leslie,

          How did you come to be formally diagnosed ASD, if you don’t mind me asking?

          I’m freaking out a little bit because I hit pretty much all of those check marks – and most of my life I’ve been described as a bit ‘out there’ etc. I’m thinking I may be on the spectrum, if only mildly.

      • I believe I’m the Rachel that made that comment, and you took it in a way I didn’t intend (which is ok because isn’t that normal for us, lol). I have very nearly every symptom on this list and I’m fairly certain now I am on the spectrum but a lot of people have said they don’t think I am or that everyone feels like they have these traits. I was asking because saying Im autistic feels like I’m faking it or something, because I can hide most of the symptoms from other people and I always kind of assumed everyone else did the same thing just better. I was uneducated on the matter at the time, but reacting to a simple question aggressively doesn’t help maybe next time just answer the question with facts. Thanks.

    • Intensity is what differs. NT people relate well to ‘some’ of our challenges, however they overcome with very little support usually required. With Autistic people, we are often dependant on others to help us overcome these barriers constantly and the intensity at which we are impacted is significant and often induces physical responses including sickness for many. I love the fact you relate, but imagine dealing with pretty much most of these, most of the time and being dependant on reassurance and intervention from others in order to get through basic life situations on a daily basis. So yes, some of these traits can affect many people at varying degrees of severity… but for autistic people, these hurdles are literally mountains to climb, huge often impossible mountains.

  • Hi i have diagnosed Aspergers, I was only diagnosed this year (I am 23, soon 24), I think this list is spot on, the whole thing about feeling and acting younger is very real for me. I used to think that maybe a part of my brain stopped developing when I was a child, but luckily I have found that it is just another trait of Aspergers. My boyfriend often complains that I act and talk too young, it does annoy me too but seems to be my default, and in general easier to articulate. I am very intelligent so it is frustrating to not come across as more knowing. My interests and general thought are more sophisticated, however I take solace in doing things in a child-like manner, it allows me to relax my brain.

    It’s also interesting how despite my intelligence I am unable to express it vocally, only through writing (typing specifically). I think this is linked to issues about sense of self, for instance my preferences change depending on who I am with, others will see this as ‘sucking up’ but I believe it is because I am able to see the good and bad qualities in all things, and why someone would like or dislike a certain thing, which in some ways makes me a lot less rigid than others. It is kind of like being a vessel for information, I perceive and take things in then breathe them out like I would air, between that I look purely at the rational qualities without fully forming an opinion on them. When things are looked at during a conversation I hurriedly pick up the information that I found and allow myself to be emotionally swayed by others opinions. My brain works far too fast for me to form a coherent and to the point sentence, I do not have time to make an opinion during social interacting, let alone most things, this leads to excessive stress and I wonder (emotionally) if I am being lazy. This whole problem leaves me feeling very lost, except for my opinions on things like politics, psychology and art, all very idea based subjects that need to be thought about for longer anyway (even for normal people). If someone asked me my opinion on phones or tea right at this second then I would find great difficulty in making a conclusion with all the information (or not enough!) that I have about it in my head. I wonder if this is because we Aspergers people concentrate more energy in certain parts of our brains than others, therefore leaving some aspects ‘undernourished’ for lack of a better word? It would be interesting to see a brain scan comparing the female brain with Aspergers to a female brain that is not.

    There’s so much frustration involved in trying to have a normal conversation with a person, I find myself drifting from topic to topic not understanding why others do not see the links, the conversation must be mine or I loose all articulation and understanding, knowing that I will not be able to process my information fast enough. I often drift away and zone out. Now I find that I have so much information that I just don’t retain it anymore, kind of like a full up memory card!

    (This list is very interesting too seeing as I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 18, yet this list displays my main symptoms associated with the disorder. I have heard many times that female’s with Aspergers are often misdiagnosed with BPD. Perhaps I do not have it after all and my relationship problems are down to my misunderstandings about social interaction, a little bit of a relief!)

    • that’s such a weird thing to read….virtually ALL of the things on the list as well as your shared experiences here apply to me exactly! yet, I would have never thought that I in any way, shape or form have any connection to autism or asperger’s. i always thought i’m just really intelligent and therefore am often lonely, as many intelligent people are (which sounds horribly self-obsessed, I realize).

      I so so SO relate to your experience of seeing links to subject matters in conversations and other people being absolutely overwhelmed, bored, tuned out (which I actually always notice). And also with the feeling of having gathered too much information at this point in my life, forgetting many other things I once knew lots about and through that actually weirdly loosing my orientation of self-identity throughout my life. It’s like I am an entirely different person now than I was 10 years ago, when I was 19, and like that experience was a dream or a film I’ve seen. I cannot re-live these experiences in any comprehensible way, but I know that they have happened to me.

      At the same time I have very few but very intimate friends of whom I am very protective and all of these people seem to value my friendship and tell me often that I am quite sensitive, helpful, can relate well to what people are feeling and going through and give good advice. The thing is though that I never can relate to what people are going through on an EMOTIONAL level, but only on an intellectual. I see what people are doing and which situations they are in and I realize what consequences their behavior will have and what they should’ve done/ should do instead. I feel surprise and sometimes a bit of condescending (which I feel very ashamed of) when I lay out for them why they have troubles with some social situation and why they cannot see it. I have often heard that I should’ve studied Psychology.

      Long story short: I am an avid feminist and always thought that this is just how the female experience in GENERAL was. The entire list provided above seemed to me to be a blue-print for (especially highly intelligent) female social troubles and struggles to find their place in society. I stumbled across this website absolutely accidentally and I am in shock of this list and how exact it applies to my own experiences. I am very very confused and just wanted to share this. I don’t know why.

      • wow! me too! I identify with lot of the blog and with what you and Averil said. I m also avid feminist, feel like most of my goodness comes intellectually and not emotionally. I also have and crave for very few very close friends. Except for the organising/OCD parts in the post, I am very flexible and more comfortable in mess. Infact if someone gave me a ordered rigid list, I m sure to mess up.

    • Hi Averil,

      Just came across your comment and found it very informative and useful. Having read the list of symptoms and characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome I can fully relate. I am reluctant about approaching my doctor about this though, as I worry they won’t take me seriously. How did the professional diagnosis happen for you? I’m 23 and not sure how to go about it.

  • Thank you for the list. I highly identify. I printed it out for my 15-year-old daughter to read. She was diagnosed several years ago, but has never embraced her diagnosis. She is now having severe problems, and I think this will help her. Thank you very much.

  • We totally need our own clothing store. Call it “Forever 12.” And have a section with classic looks, one with silky and tight, one with bright colors, one with baggy cotton, one whole section where Nothing Matches, and of course the All Black section… Or, you can go to Goodwill, close your eyes and imagine you’re there!

  • Doesn’t this apply to many/all people though? Or at least all people with anxiety? Cause I do nearly all of of these things but I think I’m just super anxious.

  • I was have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder last year. But I relate to a lot of these traits. Many of these traits listed were not clear to me, required clarification, and I would require further investigation to know if I can relate to them.

  • I am very grateful for these points – I was signposted to them as a starting point for diagnosis, so I am about to write everything down and take it from there. Why do I need a diagnosis at age 52, when I have actually learned ways to deal with many of these issues? I think it’s because I’m getting tired and I want to stop fighting,. Wish me luck!

  • I wasn’t sure if i had ASD. I just so happened to come across this checklist. I went through the entire list checking off all the symptoms that I could identify with. I checked off about 90% of them. It was so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing it. I haven’t been diagnosed yet. I need to find a dr that specializes in ASD. I wondered if there is medicine that ppl take. I also have ADHD, PTSD and depression. Which makes it even more difficult for me to function every day! Sometimes I think I’m losing my mind. Ugh!!

    • Darlene,

      I was 49 when I was finally diagnosed. I also have ADHD, PTSD and major depressive disorder. I had to actually argue then insist that my therapist read this list and do some research on the difference in presentation for women on the spectrum before she would look at it. She had participed in several research studies while an undergrad and as a master’s student dealing with ASD symptoms yet was unable to apply this knowledge to how differently women present. Its been extremely frustrating. You’ll find that many women aren’t officially diagnosed, they self-identity then search out an official diagnosis. In my case I did so for validation. Since the age of 19 I’ve been misdiagnosed so many times, with everything from Schizophrenia, Schizo-Affective Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, etc., that many in my family and even previous therapists don’t believe my current diagnosis. I spent so many years being told that what I remembered, experienced and believed was wrong that I had no self confidence in my perception of reality at all.

      I wish you luck on your journey. Trust yourself.

      Leslie

  • My daughter who is 11 has just been diagnosed.. And since doing all the research and reading blogs like this one.. I am positive that I have it as well.
    I have always been different to everyone around me.. And I will go through the process to officially get diagnosed myself

  • Spot on. Thank you. My therapist suggested I’m on the spectrum a week ago, and I’m still struggling to accept it. This post definitely helped me feel like I’m not alone.

  • Samantha, thank you for this list. Fascinating. I’ve had trouble finding anyone qualified to diagnose me, and someone who if familiar with ASD in women, girls. So far self testing has shown both yes and no for me. Here’s some feedback about the physical traits. I find it uncanny that I’m both double jointed (backbones – my wings as I call them since they stick out and fingers). and have a hematological condition which is caused by a damaged immune system affecting the bone marrow.

    Of possible interest it is thought this bone marrow damage may be caused by pesticide exposure (among other possibilities). I’ve found several studies showing a link of pesticide exposure (DDT) and autism.

    I’m interested in learning more about aspies and empathy. I was told I have more characterisitcs than most. But that people with ASD don’t have empathy. I did see one psychologist USA) but told I was too old to get the 11 tests needed covered. That I’ve been to college and worked so don’t need a dx, “doing well.”

  • Um, but doesn’t everyone feel like this? I do tick most examples, but I thought it was normal to. I know I’ve always felt like an alien trying to fit in, & others have spotted that, but that was just me – To think all the problems & wrongs are down to one thing which I could’ve had a label for all these years? – if the label had actually existed when I grew up; we only had ‘strange’, ‘introvert’ & ‘awkward’. I’m not sure how to feel about this; sad mostly.

    • I know exactly what you mean. I’m 57 and reading this shook me to my core. I can tick 90% of those traits. Many people have 10-20% of those traits but 90%? No.

      So yeah I have very mixed feelings a combination of relief and deep mourning.

  • This was a really good read and very interesting, I am going to show it to the people in my life to help them understand my perspective as that can be hard to get across with communication issues and just due to the nature of autism. It is often hard to find people or anyone to relate to or who understands you. There is a lot of oh your fine or you do not seem that autistic that happens in my life but if everyone just looked a little closer it would be clear as day what I go through on a daily basis and they would see that I do what I do because I am autistic and just embrace that instead of forgetting that I have it and then not understanding who I am or what I encounter on a daily basis. So reading this was refreshing I found that all but two of the questions matched up for me and I could relate to all of it. I love to see work like this on this site, its inspiring and this is such a great place to gather and gain from, I am thankful that it is here and to be a part of it. Great job, really I can be critical of writers as I am a writer and I have an eye for detail and I could not find anything wrong with this piece. Hats Off!

    • To the senior ladies, I’m 62, I check off most of these traits, and i always felt like I never understood the rules, that I wasn’t given the instruction manual that everyone else got. I was in the weird kids club all through school, was bullied from grammar school forward so ended up shy, couldn’t understand all social cues yet somehow bordered on psychic (maybe I was “reading” people on a much deeper level), and always had trouble looking people in the eye when in conversation, and still do. It seems intrusive and too ‘loud”, like a huge water main versus a garden hose of information, so I watch mouths but now aim my gaze between other’s eyes. It seems to help me understand conversations.

      I spaced out in class from 4th grade forward but was put in the accelerated groups. I was highly sensitive and prone to meltdowns at home when too frustrated by injustices or misunderstood and thus treated unfairly as to my intentions. I was also naive and too honest.

      I was abandoned by my mother, abused by my stepmother, ignored or punished by my father, and handed off at 12 to my grandmother who basically “saved” me. I developed GAD and panic disorder in my teens, was pretty crippled by it in my 20s but struggled through, found I had a ton of food and chemical sensitivities, and often had a lot of gastric upset. I also developed cPTSD from the abuse. I actually was very empathic and hypersensitive, crazy about horses, drawn to the arts and science fiction, lived in my head, and always struggled to figure out what was wrong with me. Life was a tremendous struggle!!

      I learned to make some peace with my “quirks” and “eccentricities” over the years and worked on releasing all the shame that was piled on me for being problematic or not good enough, even though I was the one that always tried to “be there” for everyone else as I was able. It was in looking into my husband’s more extreme differences and rigidity that I figured out that he was likely on the spectrum, then realized I probably was too as I tick off a lot of the same boxes,and Aspies especially seem to be comfortable with each other, and we are; we “get” a lot of things about each other, though some we find much harder to fathom.

      He finally agreed that of course the identifiers fit him extremely well, and he was just going to embrace it and I should too, as what difference did it make to either of us? If anything it’s more that it’s a relief to say “OH! THAT’S why!” and just go on with our lives, glad that there is an explanation we can study further if we wish, now that we have found our “tribe’. We’re seniors, we’re basically happy with ourselves, though the state of the world causes us immense grief. We’ll do the best we can and that will be enough, because nobody is perfect, whether neurotypical or otherwise.

  • I think this is brilliant! I have just had a diagnosis of ASD and at least 95% of this describes me to an almost creepy degree! Thank you so much for your time, expertise and effort in compiling this. So important to have something like this generated and amassed from lived experience.

  • Holy cow! I have suspected for a while that I may have aspergers, and if this test is accurate, I most definitely do. I can relate to so much! The only problem is that I do not know what my parents would say if I showed them this. I at least answered yes to 75-95% of the questions. I did not know how different autism is between the genders. The only thing is that I am highly intelligent, so that may have changed some answers, but still, intelligence can be a “symptom” of aspergers, right? Thank you for this checklist. Also, not my real name.

  • I literally resonate with 90+% of these. I have asked my doctors and they said no to autism. I am left constantly confused in life. Any advice?

  • Finding this post was an absolute godsend. And boy, do I relate to the traits as well as the anecdotes in comments. I had no clue how to relate to others when I was a kid. So much cringeworthy material: in fifth grade, I had no friends in a new middle school, and had ‘heard’ kids my age liked bands including Green Day. So, sitting alone, I took a breathe and did my best to imitate the chirpy girls in my class, randomly sitting down next to one and abruptly asking: DO YOU LIKE GREEN DAY? I remember her blank stare and long pause before ‘’….yeah..?’ Satisfied and mortified all at once I went back to my empty seat on the bus. This is but a single tale…sigh.

    I continued to be painfully awkward and shy. Got pimples really young, picked my skin, didn’t comb my hair or wash properly and wore my moms hand me down 90s clothes. Kids— even my few friends— mercilessly mocked me for years before I had the revelation that I should imitate their style more. So I bought the American eagle and polo shirts emblazoned with logos (this was the late 90s) and hated every minute. Kids sensed the awkward and lack of self esteem, and picked on me in front of teachers: at first it was because I was ‘ugly’, then ‘weird’, and worthy of public humiliation until one day in AP history I screamed at a frequent taunting dude behind me: F**k you!! Everyone was stunned and suffice it to say he finally shut up. But I still felt like an outsider. I imitated the musical taste, the conversational tone and interests (even though they didn’t resonate with me), in a desperate attempt not to feel alone.

    Now, I’m finishing my doctorate, teaching at a research 1 university, and on the job market. My time in school (and before) was not pleasant: i overshare, I dressed inappropriately until recently, I had trouble concentrating and following through with assignments, and interacting with superiors in a less emotionally reactive way, and due to these difficulties many folks began began to treat me like I was dumb (I also have comirbid illnesses like bipolar, body dysmorphia and panic, and paranoia which make functioning on a daily basis difficult). I was doing better but being out of DBT for a couple months (the only thing that helped me learn how people typically interact effectively) has had profoundly bad effects on my psyche— I’m an empath and give a lot in the effort to make up for what I see as my little to no intrinsic value. I also dominate conversions relating to topics like psychology, politics, anti racism, and philosophy and in doing so have alienated people— unfortunate because my (too many) ideas have been appealing to colleagues. I often can’t remember what I have been saying in the middle of a sentence because my brain works too fast— I have creative bursts which is followed by plummets where I shut down and hole up for weeks. I feel misunderstood and sad. I lose my friends and even the ones who remain— I am feeling so detached, and can’t feel or accept their love. This disorder has severely impacted my life . However, after reading stories much like mine, I feel less alone. If I can hone my eccentricity to make it an additive (which it is until I go peak nuts) and learn to love me, maybe I will be ok!

    Thank you very much for writing this, and allowing us to share our stories here too!

  • So many of these things don’t make a lot of sense on this list… why is being empathetic and very emotional for other people an autistic trait? I thought autism was antithetical to empathy and “Highly intuitive to others’ feelings”.
    And then others like mimicking other people when you’re a child, doesn’t everyone learn that way? Asking others to tell them how they’re feeling, don’t all people who communicate well learn that? And needing a lot of alone time to recover from social interaction, isn’t that just being introverted?? Isn’t “thinking about your place in the universe” and wondering why others do certain things and feeling “out of place”, aren’t those “The Human Condition”?
    Are you saying all female introverts are Aspbergers or Autism Spectrum now? Being interested in scifi, science and art, obsessing on TV shows, isn’t that just being a proud nerd or geek? I have great communication skills, look people in the eye, and love to be the life of the party but it means I have this emotional hangover for days that I need to recover alone. I thought that was just being an introvert.
    I have problems with sensory overload, loud noises and smells, but that’s because I have migraines. I have Depression and Anxiety and OCD, but those are their own things. I learned to be cool and popular because I was bullied SO MUCH as a child. But I still don’t think it makes me ASD. Right?

    • Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorder are different things.

      Autism Spectrum, like what used to be Aspergers in the DSM, are less on the spectrum and thus have less difficulty with empathy.

      Being introverted is not the same as having an ASD. ASD is a different level of reclusion, overwhelm, etc. Huge difference. I suggest getting a copy of the DSM and reading through what autism is, what autism spectrum disorders are, etc.

      • Ah. Thanks for the response! I just wonder how many of the points on the list = ASD and how many = just introverted. If you have a certain amount you’re ASD, but less than a certain amount or certain cluster of symptoms is just average introversion or average high anxiety individual. I’ll have to look into it. Everything seems to overlap. And some symptoms could mimic others. All very interesting!

    • Mariah Osmundson, I think you describe what to me seems to fit the classical aspereger woman. I rember the first time I came across an article on the condition and the same day I had come across a guy who had obviously some issues but at the same time had a huge interest in rugby and appeared to be able to read the paper so I thought perhaps that might be his condition. Many years later I began to notice some of the symptoms in myself it came about because I developed ME/CFS/FMS after a bout of Mononucleosis I came upon articles where the condition was compared with ASD where it was suggested similar triggers could cause autism in young children & cause ME in older individuals. As time went on & I became more aware of the symptoms I began to recognize some of these traits in myself some I believe were either triggered or accentuated by my ME coping strategies. It was later suggested by a psychologist that I was likely to have asperegers & that I had performed poorly in some tests for asperegers traits. She explained how people with asperegers often are bullied as children as I was as they are perceived as different. I had put my poor social skills down to my rural isolation as a child & school bullying but she reckoned it was due to asperegers.

    • There’s no such thing, scientifically, as a Highly Sensitive Person.

      Autism is a medically recognized developmental disorder. “Highly Sensitive” is not.

      • The earth was thought ‘scientifically’ to be flat for a long time.

        There is no such thing scientifically as a Highly Sensitive Person – yet.

        Just because something is not medically recognized does not mean it doesn’t exist.

  • I scored my self in each category, and discovered I can relate to at least 70 per cent of the listed characteristics. (There were some traits that were a little ambiguous to me, so I just left those out.) I’m not sure whether this is indicative of having Aspergers? I’ve struggled all my life with understanding people and dealing with my emotions, yet I also feel ‘normal’ living mostly in my head and spending majority of my time immersed in trying to work myself out, in part so that I can complete my PhD in pure maths. I’ve been seriously practicing Vipassana meditation over the past 2-3 years (and also during my early to mid-20s), and it’s helped with stabilising my moods, reducing anxiety to the point where I’m almost symptom free, and I can sleep a lot better; all of the above improvements mean I can also deal with stress and people more effectively. I just wanted to add a comment here in case other people who can see parts – or all – of themselves in the above list were interested in another tool that can help with overcoming mental health problems. I have also found many books by the Vietnamese meditation (Zen) master, Thich Nhat Hanh, to be very helpful.

  • I think to a certain degree, some of these do fit with a female diagnosis of Autism. However, some of it so general that anyone can relate to it – especially a list this long. For example, I shared this list with 10 females close to me. They all felt that they related to most of the things on this list – so does this mean that all 10 of these females are on the spectrum? I highly doubt it.

  • My 14 year old daughter shows many of these signs. We have not had a diagnosis yet. I am hoping for one soon so I am able to support her better and also so she may get more appropriate and targeted support in school. At the moment it feels like she is in a constant state of either anxiety, anger or frustration and it is so difficult to manage and support.

  • I’m a male with Asperger’s, more commonly referred to now as ASD. I’d like to query the checklist as it is so broad I can verify that almost every female I’ve encountered in my 36 years of existence fits in to one or several of the 10+ categories described upon it and none of them have, or been diagnosed with, any form of the Autism Spectrum. Experiencing Asperger’s I understand how trying to communicate or describe something to others can become extraneous in detail as more often than not my own replies can be novellas when a simple yes or no was all that was expected. Take this comment for example of my attempt at trying to communicate my thoughts. This comment comes after reading all of the replies to this page, not just after reading the content provided, when trying to understand how ASD affects the opposite sex. I’m a Data Analyst by trade so daily I interpret large sets of information and find correlations and construct interpretations as my daily purpose. I found no answers with the content provided on this page, only more questions and confusion. I don’t have any qualifications in Sociology and I’m definitely no expert on people yet I’d like to see more profound information on your website as I have determined the content provided on this website to be misleading in it’s current state. Please be more concise with your content (maybe break it down into sub-pages instead of being so broad like “Do you ever wake up tired in the mornings? Oh my god I have this, write this down” and refrain from misleading people into believing they are suffering from something that does not exist in their lives. I’m trying to say that the website’s input is helpful to those who are afflicted with ASD yet is misleading to those who do not experience it because they will believe they do when they do not; the website’s description of females with ASD is so broad it encompasses almost all general western female behaviour. I have read several websites and articles regarding ASD in males and females and also for a generalisation of behaviour in both sexes; I have found this website to be the most informative on female ASD behaviour yet also the most misleading due to it’s overwhelming categorisation. Maybe you could present the data in a different way as to not be so bluntly far-flung yet remain comprehensive? I endorse and support your message; just want to help and not have hundreds or thousands of (mostly) women claiming their behaviour to be caused by ASD and/or going to their GP for autism testing on something that exists because of what they read just because it ‘ticks all the right boxes’ for them. Reminds me of the Horoscopes in the local paper, describing life events that almost anybody can relate to and thus judge as portentous and significant.

      • Your point?
        Regardless of whether it is a bit out dated it is still a far better list of what autism is when compared to the nonsense above.
        Are you attempting to defend the list above by denigrating the list I provided or are you simply pointing out that some change have been made to the diagnostic criteria.
        Because if it is the latter, then that’s to be expected as that is how science works. Yay Science!
        But if it is the former… lol

  • Would the men commentating please take a step back and breathe. The checklist is for Females, and it is different because by virtue of the intense genderfied social conditioning, we don’t register the same traits. We learn FAST to wear a mask, become a chameleon, and adapt to survive because our aggression is social aggression and our way to insure survival is to stay as close in to the pack as possible. Our checklist is going to have to focus on getting us to be honest about our internal life behind the masks.

    I am 52. Honestly, I have known since I was young I wasn’t normal. I have always felt that life was being played by a rulebook and no one gave me a copy and I was just having to figure it out as I went along. They knew I had speech, coordination, dyslexia issues but no one dreamed then that girls really had autism, and not when you can talk and because I couldn’t master grammar or spell, I taught myself to be a verbal master. I could pass through too because I could take a mental photo of a page in my head to help me pass, even though I couldn’t understand what it said for shit. Graduated with a 3.25 but my English language skills lol – grade 6.

    I’ve been diagnosed with so many MI tags it seems like Spin the Wheel, Make the diagnosis. My brother has ASD. I started looking for ways to help him as its just the two of us and the more I studied the more the light bulbs went on that I don’t have BPD, I have ASD it fits. I don’t have romantic relationships or many friends because frankly I find humans (at least NTs) confusing, baffling, and ok a little frightening and well I can be quite happy with Me, Myself, and I – and my Cats. Its nice to not feel like an alien. I don’t think I will go get tested – where I have to go to get tested, you question the DR you are BPD and ‘difficult patient’ in need of more case management.

  • I’ve read every comment published so far and I’d like to make a suggestion that may help those who feel that this list is “bullshit” and/or can apply to every introverted woman.

    In addition to checking ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each point assign a percentage of how much it applies to you if you’ve checked ‘yes’. If you’ve responded to 70+% of the points as ‘yes’ and assigned 60+% or higher to the majority of them then you should consider that you probably are on the ASD. These percentages that I’m recommending are not scientifically based, they are simply a logical means of distinguishing between something that may apply to most people occasionally or subjectively and something that is a major component of your life. Feel free to adjust and/or ignore my suggestion.

  • Thank you – so much. My daughter received a ‘lose’ diagnoses of what is now defunct Aspergers by a psychiatrist. She has not been thoroughly evaluated by a group that specializes in autism yet, so I went looking for information, and found your site. I’m fifty years old and I feel after reading all of this, that I also have autism. I’ve always wondered why I felt so different, like I was such a deep thinker and everyone else was so shallow. Why my thought process is so much more complicated than everyone else. I’m not ashamed of it, but I can’t always function the way people expect me to. I feel like I see and know so much that the general population misses, but I can’t explain this to them, or conform to their standards.
    I’m so excited to learn more about this from your site and others.

  • I can see myself in this list, but never been diagnosed. I also think that any list of any “disorder” fits almost to everyone, varying the intensity. And some of the things of the list are responses to inconscius feellings that are common to every person. The particular thing I see about myself is the trouble with the whole idea that involves social masks, but this could be not a “born this way” thing but a particular way of reacting to a traumatic experience.- that could be both ocurred to the person or somebody else that we care, or even an imaginary experience.

  • I have a son with aspbergers and I work with kids with autism. I never could put my finger one why I was like I am until I read this. Most of what is listed is me. Maybe that’s why I understand him so much and understand my students. Great read. I am who I am and I will not change. Thanks

  • I know this is a very old post but I’m really hoping you’ll respond- about how many of these would you say the average person relates to? I’m doing some research to see if it’s worth bringing up to my doctor, and I experience almost exactly 75% (132) of the 173 symptoms.

  • I’ve only just started exploring this as a diagnosis because of my sensory overload issues, but if this list is an accurate representation, then I may have my answer.

    There are some aspects that do not fit, but I find that it usually coincides with something that I studied heavily as a child. So I’ve no idea if I’m being a hypochondriac and misdiagnosing myself, or if I was clever enough as a child to learn to mask certain difficulties through unconscious study and practice. I am exceptionally good at fooling myself, which can work in either direction for a diagnosis here, so I’ve honestly no idea which it is.

    But it’s something to investigate, and at an 80 – 90% ‘check’ rate for the list, it’s definitely worth a look. Thanks for the information! If this turns our to be a fit, it would certainly explain a lot!

  • Did not read all comments….busy day…excellent article with lists…which applies to me roughly 85%….just struck me how incredibly grateful I am for the invention of the printing press, for scribes throughout the centuries who passed on the written word for an isolationist such as myself….
    For editors and writers….for The People of the Book….

  • This comment thread still going on for 3 years! I just had my son diagnosed with HFA and I’m here because I also just heard that female traits are different, just to check if I’ve always had it. A lot of the list resounds in me, some if I really force it, yes but quite a number don’t. I’ve also read the other comments and its making me dizzy trying to differentiate if I’m just introverted, or the list is just common people’s qualities or am I really Aspie? I can be really into some subjects like the existence of life. I believe in God. I also have many hobbies and I could be really into them at a substantial period at a time. I also feel I have ‘self therapied’ through the years to be normal – so its like faking? I grew up shy, I don’t like meeting new people and I had grew up showing discomfort and not caring how people feel but I changed in my 30s with that ‘self therapy’ so much that I’m a corporate trainer now. I also tend to copy handwriting of my peers (I do this knowingly) when I was in school, even to university and I never had a proper explanation to that. I don’t see it with other people, so that was really strange to me. When I was small, I had deep thoughts of the world seen through my eyes, then this world only exist to me because I’m seeing it and that I’m special because the world is seen through me, through my eyes. That is veeeery strange that nobody had the same thought as me!
    But a lot of the listed traits seem to be ‘normal’ introversion. So, its still confusing.

    • The only way to be sure is to get testing.

      I think a lot of women have quirks that they might see on the listing. Like shyness, social anxiety, etc. I have some specific ones such as repeating numbers, liking patterns in numbers, loving words and their roots, etc. I do not believe I have ASD though. I think this list is a good sounding board to see if you feel you should get tested. It’s not meant to diagnose.

  • Hi there!

    My 15yr old daughter was just diagnosed a week ago – I figured out she was on the spectrum last October. No one would believe me 😀 – now we got it on paper and hell yes thank you for this post!!! I will be using it for a meeting with the school this week.
    I guess also that all this also fits me, i guess i am the classic case of mom finds out she is autistic when her kid got diagnosed 😀
    Until I found out about female Asperger’s I thought everyone would run thru all possibilities of outcomes and interactions in social situations 😀
    So 10000000 thanks for this post, it is soooo appreciated!

  • I think it’s interesting that people are saying all/most women identify with this list. As an introverted woman with depression and anxiety, there are certainly many of these characteristics that I identify with. But I don’t have ASD. And this list doesn’t make me think I do.

    However my daughter matches with nearly everything on this list. And I think a big thing that people are missing when they say “this applies to all women” is the list of the comorbid attributes. My daughter doesn’t just identify with them, she been diagnosed with, medicated for, and hospitalized for them. There are actual physical and mental issues involved.

    We’re contacting a doctor to discuss testing for ASD. Thank you for this list!

  • I am a paediatrician who sees a lot of autistic girls and I think the list is pretty accurate. As a male I am not privy to the functioning of neurotypical women but I would be surprised if the list was representative and wonder if those who think it is are not likely aspie but denying it. Also a strength of DSM5 is you do not make the diagnosis if the features are not a problem. Since the major ongoing problems are social and communication issues and anxiety this is both for the person and their social circle, parents for my patients. In every clinic I see the devastation caused to mothers who have not been diagnosed or receive toxic diagnoses such as BPD when understanding it is actually ASD can be life changing. I am sure you are on the right track.

  • Now, this list is in my bookmarks and every now and then I look again and wonder if I could have ASD. Maybe when I read it over and over again it shows me that I am perfectly normal. However, when I look at the list there is only one trait that I do not have and that is the imaginary friend. The rest is me. I have three children and only the youngest I think is ‘normal’, but I only thought this once she grew up. I always wondered why she was so different. I would always say: ‘She is the normal one of all three”. So, what to do with that thought of the possibility with me having ASD? I don’t know, I really don’t. I have already accepted that I cannot be like the rest, well, maybe not completely…. I wonder whether I once should change my job, where I need to see many people, well, children, because that is where I feel comfortable. I have never felt comfortable with adults, never. There is this thought of me being a writer where I can hide in a room and the only thing that I need to do is treat myself with words and play with them and to write down contact between people, because I have been observing people so often that I can see them in my mind. Well, food for thought…..I wonder when the next time will be when I read this list….

  • How ignorant can so many of you be? As someone who really struggles, it is SO insulting, to try and say that “doesn’t everyone feel this way?” I really think a lot of you people either skimmed or missed the point, and you lack some basic understands of neurodiversity and psychology. Yes, many people to varying degrees experience Anxiety, and these symptoms. To me, the difference was that I SO clearly, had trouble communicating as a kid, than my peers,. My family always said “there was something wrong with me.” and my peers felt the same. I was bullied, and outcasted. Everyday people (neurotypicals) DO NOT experience all these symptoms. Not just the social interaction but motor skills, and other things, that so clearly are a part of someone on the spectrum vs. someone who isn’t. Either, some of you are in denial that you might be neurodiverse but people in society have such a huge stigma on it-so you would rather feel you have other things wrong with you, than say you are neurodiverse, or you are missing the point. Like someone in the above comments said, similarly to mental disorders, what makes a diagnose , a diagnose IS THE SEVERITY. Yes, many people experience different feelings and things as part of being a human but what sets someone with a diagnosis, VS. someone without is the SEVERITY AND HOW IT EFFECTS THEIR EVERYDAY LIFE, THIS IS SIMPLE PSYCHOLOGY. To varying degrees, humans experience bouts of depression BUT DO THEY ALL KILL THEMSELVES? NO!! WHY?? Because, people feel things to varying degrees and that is what sets a diagnose. And if you research more, instead of looking at one article and jumping to conclusions-you would see that the diagnoses for Aspergers are poorly researched, and biased, and mainly comes from male diagnoses because females do something called “masking” or intimidating. Yes, as humans we learn from intimation BUT overtime, a neurotypical will be able to just be and interact INTUITIVELY. The ASD- NEVER GOT THERE. They have to map out everything, to the point where is just too overwhelming and most social situations are avoided because it is too much. It is not about being an introvert, and needing time to “recharge”, it’s having a hard time all together with social interactions. THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE. Along, with some of the other points made in the list, outside of different types of anxiety and things like that, that so clearly is not seen in neurotypicals. It’s pretty simple understanding people!!

  • I do not have a formal diagnosis, but I have two cousins and their two children who do have diagnoses. There so many things on this list, actually over 100 of them that I display. I Would actually welcome an Asperger’s diagnosis at this point to Negate my self believe that I am just weird.

    Thank you for all you do.

  • I wonder about women (such as myself) who have a long history of receiving diagnoses and treatment, including medication, for conditions like anxiety disorder, depression, borderline personality disorder, etc., who may in fact actually have undiagnosed ASD––might that help to explain why such treatments have been largely ineffective?

    I am 48, I have a half-brother diagnosed in childhood (now 30), mostly non-verbal, unable to live independently; yet because our experiences are so dissimilar I never even considered (nor did our parents) the possibility that I, too, might be on the spectrum until quite recently. At this point in my life I’m not sure it really matters whether I am “only” an introverted, creative, geeky, obsessive, confused, anxious, depressive weirdo who never fit in or understood the rules of the game, or a person with autism. By now I have more or less learned how to cope with and/or compensate for most of my challenges and I wonder if a formal diagnosis would really change anything. Still, the idea of being given a new framework for understanding my lifelong struggles (“neurodivergent” vs. “mentally ill”) feels almost too good to be true. I just worry that if I try to pursue a diagnosis no one will take me seriously.

  • Thank you so much for sharing this list. I am a 41 year old mother of 2 boys who were diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. I only started to suspect this could be an issue for me after my 10 year old was recently diagnosed because we share so much of the same personality and traits. Going through this list, I relate strongly to 96% of the characteristics mentioned. I have a high IQ and I’m capable of processing some things that are quite complex to most people, but at the same time I struggle significantly with seemingly simple things because of social and executive functioning issues. I have a laundry list of mental health diagnoses that don’t quite explain all of my difficulties, but ASD seems to cover it all. After sharing your list with my psychologist she agrees that it’s likely this is what I have, but is not experienced enough to issue a formal diagnosis. I am pursuing that diagnosis now, and while daunting, it’s also as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders to know there is a reason why much of my life has been so difficult. Thank you for what you do.

  • Hi. I love your list. I have worked for over thirty years as a counsellor, and probably the last twenty, dealing with all aspects of Aspergers (women/men/children/relationships/work and so forth). My clients have long asked me for a book with all that’s in [my] head. I have a chapter for contributions by others. I wonder if you would allow me to print this in my book with acknowledgement and respect to you of course? I think you have made an amazingly accurate list!!! I think many women will see this version and understand themselves at last! Should you be willing to discuss this further, I am so willing! Look forward to hearing from you. Warmly, Dee

  • I had a friend tell me about this site and tell me there was a article more in detail on the part of people with Aspies feeling much younger mentally I was wondering if anyone couple provide the link I can’t seem to find it thanks

  • Thanks so much for sharing your list. You’ve really nailed it! However, as a 58-year-old woman with high functioning autism, I was a little offended by “Forever 12”. I’ve been hated, mocked and ridiculed my entire life for my disability and in my opinion, it is the neurotypicals who are forever 12! Thank you, again for all of your work on this.

  • Diagnosed at 50. All of those things I was like SO MUCH YES. Getting an answer was great and awful. Great in that I understood why…. just why. Awful in that I realize my life could have been so much different, and unexpected hostility when trying to explain. I’ve gotten the whole, you don’t look autistic, I know autistic people they are not like you, you must have shopped around and lied to get some label to manipulate people, and best of all, no, you don’t have communication issues, you are just using autism as a cover for being a jerk. No, that is not the best one. The best one is that autistic people ONLY have communications issues in person or perhaps over the phone or similar but that does not apply at all to email, and…. fine, fine, but that is not our business, keep your autism to yourself, it has nothing to do with this place.

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