Erica: mathematical and oneiric

Autism Unveiled Project Week 6

Who am I?

I’m still trying to figure that out. At present, I call myself a mathematician. Although some days I’m an aspiring physicist, or a poet, or a photographer, or a violinist, or a bibliophile who carries around bags of books half her weight… Most days, I’m the simply quiet, awkward one – a deceptively slight soul who holds volumes more than anyone might realize.

How is autism a part of me?

Five years post diagnosis, autism is less pathology and more… something I’ve learned to accept, as an integral part of my experience. It’s something I struggle with regularly. The sensory aspects are particularly disabling and I’ve had to develop a host of adaptive strategies that leave my ability to assimilate and thrive, nevertheless, pretty compromised. I have trouble understanding others and they similarly struggle to understand me. Often times, it’s like I’m engaged in a clumsy dance with the world around me… But I’m learning to accept who I am, truly. I’m more patient with myself, now, than I used to be and much more independent. I’m learning to redefine myself and the world around me and I’m finding real contentment in the process.

My poetry:

#1

silence possesses him cell by cell
necrotizing dragon skinned lexicons
into wordless, granite slabs.
his absence of words is inert.
bereft of despondency,
rumination,
perceptual depth.
all the volumes, vicissitudes,
variations of incarnate breath.
mapped to three dimensional spectra,
collapsed to two dimensional planes:
roman empires falter, losing height
imploding into calcareous ruins
flatlined blueprints, felled pillars
waiting to be exhumed
by lone utterance.

#2

aspersions of time
casting shadows on eighteen hundred hours,
twenty thousand breaths.
staggering blind down
deadlines,
disheveled pages.
an atramentum of ink,
tattooed fingers,
nom de plumes.
the sloppy stains of creation
and intent.

My photography:

My website for photography is http://instagram.com/heartistsmuse/

My art:

Erica Milam, California, U.S.A.

Erica is part of the Autism Unveiled Project. Six weeks of posts by people on the autism spectrum ending on April 2, 2015, World Autism Awareness Day.