When you are supportive of my needs it helps me build confidence in myself and in you as my friend.
By Melody Rain
1. Because of my processing I don’t always understand what you say to me when you say it, but I’m very good at acting like I know what you said.
2. It’s not that I didn’t hear your joke when you said it … I just didn’t get it or think it was funny.
3. I love to stim but I know you find it weird so I try not to let you see me.
4. Talking to myself and stimming is comforting.
5. Sometimes I like deep squeezes from those I trust.
6. I’m not completely opposed to being hugged or even held I’m opposed to maybe when and who hugs me.
7. I’m affectionate and loving.
8. I care deeply about your feelings even when I don’t show it or know how to show it.
9. I worry a lot. I worry about what you say to me, how you interacted with me if it was not what I expected. If your reaction was different than I expected I worry for hours that I did something wrong.
10. I have a good imagination about things I want to imagine. I just can’t imagine when it’s not what I want to imagine or what I’m told to imagine (group play with kids).
11. I want friends and to feel included more than anything.
12. I feel sad when you don’t know I feel sad.
13. Excitement makes me have anxiety. I get excited but too much excitement makes my anxiety so high I can’t bare it.
14. When things change I don’t know what is going to happen. I become afraid of the unpredictable more intensely than typical people may.
15. Knowing what will happen and predictability makes me feel safe.
16. Moods that go up and down around me confuse me and cause me to lose confidence.
17. I care about animals more than people sometimes because animals are easier to feel connected to.
18. I am considered high-functioning by many but I still have a tendency and desire to wander off in new or tough situations or places. Crowds still confuse me and I become easily lost. I’m not always aware when I wander…it’s like I go deeply into my own consciousness.
19. I hate when I have meltdowns.
20. Meltdowns feel like a release of all the bad things I have ever absorbed in the past few weeks. During the meltdowns I feel like my life is ending and nothing will ever be better again.
21. I know I’m different but don’t know why or how or what makes me so different.
22. I see when people stare.
23. I feel everyone’s emotions….good or bad. I also pick up when they change.
24. I secretly know if you don’t like me.
25. I secretly know when you are being fake.
26. If I don’t like you it’s because of how you made me feel in a sensory or emotional way.
27. If I’m drawn to you I’m more engaging.
28. If I’m unsure of you I won’t contact you, initiate conversation or have anything to do with you.
29. If I show you affection then you must be special or I think you care about me.
30. I hear loud noises even after they have stopped they continue to play in my head and cause me distress.
31. Eye contact can be easier if you are calm and have good vibes and feel safe to me.
32. Some days I find functioning in the same situations much harder than I do on other days.
33. Some days and moments I just can’t handle anything at all.
34. Your voice is louder than you realize and you overstimulate me if you continue to talk loud and about a lot of things at once.
35. When you are supportive of my needs it helps me build confidence in myself and in you as my friend.
I am an autistic adult trying to manage living independently. I live in Gastonia, North Carolina. I love animals and have 3 dogs and 2 cats. My two oldest pets are my dog, Snoopy age 15 and a half, and Boo cat, age 18 and 3 months. I enjoy teaching others about autism and what autism is like for me. I wish everyone can be more understanding about autism when we need support. For 9 years I have actively taught the Charlotte Mecklenburg Police about how to help those with autism who may be in a crisis. My interests include autism, medical facts and dog breeds.