Masking

by John Testore

In this digital age, Image speaks more than language. Texting is more popular than verbal communication. Appearance is the reflection of our workplace and personality, the first feature taken into account by recruiters or dating partners. The pressure on Appearing has surpassed verbal exchange, complicating conversations and turning personal hygiene into obsessive rituals.
Social phobia is the new pandemic.
Autistics are not exempt, although their coping mechanism differs from the neurotypical.

We all obsess over appearing, these days, something in common once in awhile between neurodivergent and neurotypical!
Autists try hard to mask, the neurotypical drain themselves with multiple compulsive daily showers and cosmetology.

Both are wrong in their own fashion, that is not the definition of Hygiene, yet autists are not dirty, nonetheless.
Excessive showering depletes the skin of protective oils, giving an aging look.
If we shower before bed, it’s unlikely that we are dirty in the morning, unless the bed becomes an additional alternative to the gym, prompting us to yet another extra final rinse.

See, we don’t know anymore how to relax by managing time. The average amount of sleep in the middle-aged group is 4/5 hours per night, of course you look a wreck the following morning! So comes another cold shower to wake us up, though the outcome doesn’t get any better.
A vigorous fresh face-washing has the same awakening effect of a shower, hair looks smoother still, we act out of fear to appear.

Masking works in the short-term, despite exhausting, the treatment of choice for autists.

Body language plays a crucial role until the ultimate decision-making takes its toll, or when the mask-mandate comes to an end, time to reveal our true nature.
The outcome is up to us.
We must select our strongholds and we will give the best appearance.
Autistics are extremely selective, a win-win technique.
Don’t mask, be God’s hero.
We all have weaknesses, Accept yourself.

Masking is always a cause of Regret.
Latest therapy works on reversing Regret to Reset in midlife, based on the stereotype that life starts again at 40.
The biggest commercial scam to date, in my humble opinion.

Why waiting 40 years to lower the Mask?
This new approach is a praise for masking successfully in youth.
These ‘therapists’ obviously are unaware of the discomfort associated to 40 years of masking.
I bet they are New Agers.
They practically deny Youth by giving Middle-age the ‘Prime of life’ s name.
As a middle aged myself, I can testify that the 40s and 50s are the toughest years. I do look forward to 60 however, not by the declassification of youth.

I can figure out the logic behind it, nevertheless: if you’re in midlife, it’s most likely you received an Autism/ADHD diagnosis in adulthood. I was ‘lucky’ to be diagnosed at 23 in Med-school. Plenty of people my generation are diagnosed well in their 40/50 s.
Nowadays, Autism/ADHD are typically detected in the third year of life, ndr.
It is the former group being targeted by Reset therapy.
The theory is, once the damage is done, there’s no way back, but to Reset.
Again, terminology is in constant play. Reset is nothing else than Rewire, just more AIsh conform. I ll never submit to AI. I’m a human.

I fully support Rewiring from childhood.
Personality normally keeps evolving until 25, after which, Rewiring becomes obsolete.
It is not clear what Resetting will accomplish.
This kind of therapy claims to turn Youth Regret into Pride, which is starting with the wrong leg. It is long established the association of Pride with Masking.

Acceptance is the first step towards recovery, agreed by all traditional Mental Health Professionals.
That prompts the inevitable question, what’s the difference between Pride and Acceptance?
Pride is always forced upon, a fighting state that can collapse anytime and expose Shame.
Acceptance is Pride without Shame and Arrogance.

Turning Youth Regret into Pride in midlife, is Smacking youth, literally.
As if the first 40 years of life were meaningless, in other words, Denying one s youth.
The message is “Life starts just now. You made it to 40, be proud!”

I agree with living in the Present by Acceptance of the Past, NOT Regret.
Mental illness has acquired ‘cool status’ between sufferers. I don’t support that attitude. I support Acceptance. These days, each site praises their content, be it Autism, ADHD, Bipolar, OCD… That raises doubts on the authenticity of diagnoses, complicit Professionals and Media. My understanding is that diagnoses are being bought to our convenience for acceptance. This is very wrong, our flaws will show up soon or later, either at Work or Relationships. Be yourselves and strive for Acceptance. This is true Empowerment and Commitment.
“How amazing our ADHD brains are!”, “Autism makes my life awesome!”, “We are better at decision-making than the neurotypical!” just to mention the most popular slogans.
Not that I disagree, as far as we acknowledge our pathologies.
Nobody is comfortable with any kind of disorder.
It won’t be long before we ll read “It is awesome to have cancer!”

I’m certainly not happy about having ASD and ADHD.
We’re doing fundamentalism in mental illness as in LGBT, where one can choose their gender. If you are born a man, you’ll always be a man and viceversa.
If you suffer from ADHD, you ll always be ADHD, ASD, Bipolar…

Praising our strengths is not ‘empowering’, it’s ‘prideful’.
Let your boss see your worth.
Don’t believe to Bill Gates and the likes, they are self-employed and worth billions, yet they claim to be on the Spectrum, they never attended a job-interview, coincidentally. I have personal conspiracies that these tycoons make money off pharmaceuticals as testimonials for Success. Dr Gates has even been awarded a Honorary Doctorate in Medicine from the University of Sweden and talks like a leading Medical Scientist worldwide, despite being an IT.
This is not Empowering, it is full display of Pride combined with pathological Narcissism, NPD.

Pride and Narcissism are being shown to be destructive when pathological.
The terms are being replaced by Prestige and Prominence in psychology. The genesis is basically the same. The challenge is “not to build ourselves up”.
‘Building-up’ has no end, the more we have, the more we want, an exhausting process leading to short-term pleasure and ultimately Delusion in the neurodivergent. On the grounds, I don’t believe a thing that Bill Gates and Elon Musk have an ASD ‘genuine’ diagnosis. On the contrary, they get wealthier by the hour without burning out.
They don’t need the money. Money comes to them from lucrative investments.
They don’t build up, they cheat us to their advantage.
Only houses are built up.

In Mental Health, build-up is always detrimental.
Humbleness, Honesty, Commitment, are our Strengths.
A common stigma in Mental Health is that sufferers are Chronic Liars, a very offensive misconception.
It doesn’t take a lot of effort for educated people to discern that the mentally ill can’t lie.
Masking is Shame, a desperate attempt at Protection.
The Neurotypical should be supportive towards Shame, rather than accusatory.
Still a long way to go.

Shame evolves with time, leading to Isolation.
Although it is never too late to reach-out, the longer we wait, the more opportunities are lost both professionally and relationally.
Take immediate action.
I said multiple times that Masking is a short-lived failing technique.
You have nothing to lose by disclosing your mistakes straight.
Even the toughest boss will be more sympathetic in the short run rather than in prolonged hiding.
Easy said than done I concord, although there are techniques to boost self-esteem.

You ll notice that I refrain from using the word “Lie” by referring to synonyms like Shame, Hiding, Protection, Mistakes, Masking, Disclosing, Timing… these unproductive Behaviors are not malicious Lies, despite perceived as such by most Neurotypicals.
Don’t buy time.
Buying Time is vicious and exacerbating.
Tomorrow never comes!

Drop the Mask immediately.
Just think that the more you wait, the worse the consequences.
You have only to benefit from Honesty.
Honesty is always valued. It comes with Humility and Commitment, particularly in the workforce. Even the most irrefutable boss cannot remain unfulfilled.
Firing is still an option, although to Your wellbeing. It meant that job was detrimental to you and will open other more suitable doors.
Help is at hand, Job-centers have Disability departments and offer Job-seeker s Allowances.
DON T PANICK.

You’re never a failure as long as you try.
You know what medication works best for your disinhibitions, talk to your psychiatrist into adding a extra pill just to abate Shame for that confronting day.

Remember: You’re never alone.
You can do it.

My name is John Testore and I m a British-Italian man married to a Japanese lady in Japan. I m a former Medical student. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD in Med-school causing me to drop after my third year and join the Ambulance Service as paramedic.