By Rosa Mackay
There once was a quiet
young lady called Christa.
She lived in a house
with her mom, dad and sister.
She spent days with her puppy
just horsing around.
But when she was with people
some things got her down.
(Sister)
“Don’t like playing with others?
Well that’s just not good!”
(Doctor)
“Look me in the eye when
you speak! Don’t be rude!”
(Classmate 1)
“Don’t stare at me with
that wierd, vacant look!”
(Classmate 2)
“I think that she’s creepy,
her brain’s off the hook”
(Teacher 1)
“You won’t hold Lisa’s hand?
I’m not saying this twice!
You HAVE to be social,
and friendly, and nice!”
(Teacher 2)
“You can’t eat chopped fruit?
But THEY’RE all eating that!”
(All)
“Go away now! Act normal!
You’re wierd, off, wrong, bad!”
(Christa)
“Well I guess since they say so,
the problem is me.
So I’ll change. I’ll get things right.
Just you wait and see!”
(Christa Says)
“Yes me too! Love that movie!
That place! And that song!”
(Christa Thinks)
If I don’t have opinions,
then they can’t be wrong.
(Christa Says)
“Oh yes, I love parties!
Hanging out is a blast!”
“The more people the better!”
She’d answer if asked.
(Christa Thinks)
And I’ll smile, make eye contact.
But not for TOO long.
For a start, I’ll try ten
seconds off and ten on.
I’ll mirror other’s opinions.
I’ll do what I hate.
And then, only then,
will things be ok.
But they still didn’t like her.
Didn’t think she seemed right.
(Classmate)
“You sound passive aggressive,
are you picking a fight?”
(Classmate)
“You’re too quiet, too timid,
you’ve nothing to say”
(Teacher)
“Your expression seems off,
put that wierd smile away!”
And they’d talk if she talked
but then they’d… keep away.
So she sat down and cried
without making a sound.
While all of her thoughts
weighed her down to the ground.
“I don’t know what I did,
but I’m wrong, I’m a pain!
Will I ever be right?
Someone they won’t disdain?”
“Have you heard of autism?
That’s what you have here.”
Said a calm, quiet voice
by the side of her ear.
“No, don’t think like that,
you’re not bad, you’re not wrong.
Your brain works a bit different,
that’s all’s going on.”
(Christa)
“But if I’m autistic
then this is forever!
I’ll never be rid
of these problems! No, never!
I tried hard to fix things,
but now that hope’s gone”
“Well,” said her friend with a sigh,
“You’re not wrong.
Some people don’t understand,
and that’s hard.
But there’s nothing needs fixed.
You are fine as you are!”
Rosa Mackay is a late diagnosed autistic woman. She grew up in the highlands of Scotland, but has also lived in Spain and Japan. Writing is her passion, and she is never happier than when dreaming up new stories. In her writing, she likes to explore the beauty of the world around us as well as the struggles we experience as humans. She has recently completed a BA in Japanese and Spanish at Cardiff University, and is now taking time to travel and see more of the world.
