Poetry: I had a ladder

By Jess

I had a ladder
Climbed it to the stars
Looking for connections
If I could see the world from here
Like constellations
I’ll have the images
And the names
I’ll understand them

Sometimes I think of falling
Deep down to the ocean floor
Where finding your way around is different
And growing fins and gills
And time slows down
And some creatures outlive us
Moving slowly
Beneath the earth
Beneath the islands
Beneath the detracting coral reef

Sometimes I’m in the earth
Returning to dust
Like the one certain thing
In life
You were a star in the sky
Now you’re a speck of dust on the wind
An annoying splinter
A fleck of orange in her pupil
That you only see when you look closely
Anything that puts you in the here and now

And I forget I’m me
And I feel endless
A part of the world
Instead of apart from the world
A musical note that stretches on and on and on
until it Disappears

Jess is a U.K. based musician and visual artist. She was diagnosed with autism at aged 40 although she’d suspected it for a long time before that. She lives on the south coast with a small black dog.