Before I was diagnosed with Autism, this was how I related to my dear maternal Grandpa Jules. I had a few years with him, not even knowing that our time was limited. I was just coming into this big beautiful world full of love & My Grandpa Jules David Cohen had just 6 years left. He sadly died of an accidental insulin overdose & heart attack at age 76. He was a World War 2 Veteran & won many medals, including the purple heart. He asked not to send it home to my Grandma Lee (Lily) because he didn’t want her to know he got hurt. She already missed him so much & was worried sick. He was the love of her life & they had a toddler at home, my mom. From what I had read in old letters, she was being called a Naughty Bobby for misbehaving I’m guessing (my Grandma’s words). My Grandparents didn’t like having photos taken of them, especially my Grandpa Jules. I guess it was because they were getting older, so sadly I don’t have many photos of me with them. He fought in World War 2 & owned 2 stores named “Hamilton Taylor’s” as my Mom named it. He made custom tailored suits in one of his 2 shops in New York & Long Island from the 1950’s to the 1980’s. He also had type 2 diabetes & he died late one night in his apartment garden complex in the ambulance ride to the hospital. I was only 6 years old at the time. I was sleeping in my parents bed when we got the call after 1 am. Mmy parents got me & my 18 month old brother ready to go to the E.R. to meet my Grandma Lee.
Grandpa Jules would come visit me on Friday afternoons with green leaf cookies. My Grandma Lee would give me nonpareil chocolates or ice cream cups as a treat. My Grandpa would play heads or tails with a quarter and take walks around the block with me. My Dad told me one thing that would frustrate him with little 5 year old me: I didn’t like to sit still or listen to him read me a story. One day, I brought him a book to read to me, a Fairy Tale book with the Peter Pan story in it. It was written in small print in white or yellow words on black pages & my Grandpa’s eyes couldn’t read it or see it too good. He might have asked me to pick another story, I’m not sure if I wanted to, but didn’t understand why. It might have been the last time I saw him, I couldn’t read until age 6 or 7. He didn’t like I wouldn’t sleep in my own room in my own bed, I had lost my first bottom tooth at only age 4 3/4’s & he said he hid it under my pillow, I ran up & looked & looked & just couldn’t find it. I gave up & ran down stairs & told him, it’s not there. He said in my bed, under my pillow, I was looking under my parents pillow, I slept there. Dumbfounded, I found it. He didn’t like that I didn’t like to go to school every day & get on the bus, he said it was only 5 days a week, I thought it was forever. I missed my Mom too much at school, I had gotten a full scholarship to a full day Jewish Private school Kindergarten “Soloman Schechter” at age 4 1/2. I impressed them with memorizing the alphabet & being able to count to 20 & being so adorable & cute. I still had extreme separation anxiety from leaving my Mom all day & couldn’t really relate to any of the other 5 years old there. I liked one teacher who would leave early to pick up her daughter & eventually I was a Kindergarten drop out as my Mom said & my Dad enrolled me in half day kindergarten at public school. He had told me a year before he died, he was upset with me because I wouldn’t get on the bus, I don’t remember that part, but I missed my Mom, messed up my future of what could have been. Even then, an amazing memory, separation anxiety from my Mom & not social at all with the other kids. I was shy & quiet & would rather be at home.
I loved when my Grandpa would pick me up & swing me high in the air. That was fun but my Daddy didn’t do that. He did it with Larry, but my Mom didn’t like that because he was too young. I didn’t like that either but I loved our special time together. He did get upset if I didn’t pick a toy to give to the Salvation Army to donate. When he asked for the toys he gave me out of love, he said you pick or I will. I was only 4, but all my toys were my friends & I felt sad I had to get rid of an old friend. I still feel this way about my stuffed animals. I didn’t have that many toys back then and I was still a baby myself. I didn’t like this. He was to the point and not scary, but he meant business. We didn’t have much money. He was teaching me to give & be generous, but in later years I feel it made me selfish. I didn’t want to give my toys away & he didn’t exactly explain or show me they were going to needy kids. I was around age 3-5, too young to understand. This was the 1980’s, toddlers didn’t watch the news back then. I just remember sitting on the stairs, kind of like I still do today & deciding which stuffed animals I liked least. I remember sitting on his lap in the living room with my parents, grandma, & him kind of arguing about my Grandpa’s driving. Not a compliment; maybe not driving careful enough or too fast. I was only 3 years old & it was getting dark around 4:30 P.M. I always hated how they had to leave at night before dinner & couldn’t stay later or sleep over. My Daddy said my Grandpa would say, “Let’s go Lil.” I think I said out loud to stop fighting or yelling, I just wanted everyone to be happy & get along. I think they said it was okay & continued, but maybe less loud & finished. The chair was a 70’s style Archie Bunker burnt orange color in velvet, we had another chair similar to this chair across the bookshelf but it was a dark, olive green velvet & slightly smaller, like for a woman.
Christian Berman is an Autistic artist. She has a YouTube Channel called “The Adventures of the Little Harmonic”.
