Autism Unveiled Week 5
As I started putting together poetry and other short bits of writing for my newest book release “Searching for the Truth: Poems & Prose Inspired by Our Inner Worlds” (a collection of writings related to spirituality, philosophy & psychology), I did quite a bit of soul searching. I asked myself why these inner subjects fascinated me so much? I debated whether my autism spectrum diagnosis had anything to do with my desire to explore the mysteries related to the human mind, soul and emotions. Here are the conclusions I came to:
1. My Asperger’s Syndrome definitely has made me into a person who turns inward often. Like many Aspies, I am a true introvert and I cherish solitude. All the stolen moments I have spent alone have added up to make me very self-aware and contribute to a level of deep thinking many people rarely reach in today’s hectic world.
2. Some of my “aspie deficits” have actually benefited me in some ways. For instance, the whole “theory of mind” issue that affects those on the spectrum has put a fascination within me to try to figure out the human mind and why other human beings do the things they do or feel the way they feel. I think I have my “theory of mind” issues to thank for my fascination with human psychology and all the many fascinating things I have learned while observing others or studying the minds of others through artistic expression. To me, nothing shows the true core of a person like their artistic creations.
3. Although it can be hard for me to connect with other human beings, when I do connect it is on a heart-to-heart or mind-to-mind connection. I don’t do shallow relationships. To me, every moment of true communication is precious and even small glimpses into the hearts and minds of others stay with me forever.
4. I firmly believe that my creative abilities and successes are tied tightly to my Asperger’s Syndrome. Without my unique view of the world, I wouldn’t be the same writer or the same visual artist. I am not sure that I would feel everything so deeply either. When I think about it that way, I am positive that I wouldn’t trade one bit of who I am, even if it meant no longer having to deal with some of my struggles. Fitting into this world can be a hassle, but I wouldn’t want to be anyone other than me.
To sum it all up, perhaps I should share one of the poems from my finished book:
I Was Made This Way for a Reason
I was made this way
for a reason…
With a mind that chases down ideas
and wrestles them to the ground.
With eyes that pierce the veil
then hide themselves from the darkness.
With ears that hear you say one thing
but intuit something else altogether.
With a mouth that may seem too bold
but seeks only to speak the truth.
With a heart that casts out a net
to catch every casualty floating by.
With arms wishing to embrace the cosmos
but returning empty, feeling bereft.
With feet that stumble over themselves,
yet constantly rise and keep going.
I was made this way
for a reason…
and so were you.
Maranda Russell, Ohio
Maranda’s website is www.marandarussell.com
She’s on facebook at www.facebook.com/Maranda.Russell.writer
Maranda is part of the Autism Unveiled Project – 6 weeks of posts from autistic people commencing on April 2, 2015, World Autism Awareness Day.
Thank you for featuring me for this series! It was a lot of fun!
Brava! Great points and poetry to boot <3
Good luck with the book.
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