By Austin John Jones
Hello readers, have you ever felt that feeling? That really AWFUL feeling? That feeling when you feel like you are stuck in a hole and you can’t climb out? Maybe that feeling when all you want to do is lie down and just curl up and die? Or maybe that feeling when you feel like everyone is your enemy and you can’t convince yourself that they can help you? Even if they are someone you should trust? Like your mother, or your father, or any important family member? I mean like, even like your best friend in the whole world. That is hands down the worst feeling in the world.
Depression is a weird thing. Because not everyone has it. But the thing is, everyone CAN get it. But I can definitely say I am a victim of some form of depression. And I can definitely say a lot of the reasons for that were traumatic experiences online. Most of these happened when I was in high school and college. But the thing that made it unbearable is that I didn’t know how to cope with it or deal with it. I just sat in a corner, chair, bed, and sometimes would cry my heart out because of how terrible I felt. I would sit in my chair in fetal position just hating myself. Thinking I was a terrible person.
But that’s the thing. I know now I am not a terrible person. I try to be the best person I can. And the sad fact is, sometimes, my best is not enough in certain situations, and that’s what crushed me in those situations. But as I kept on growing. I realized that all my problems, all my depression issues were caused by one thing and one thing only. ME! Now, I know that’s the not the same for everyone, but I figured out that if I wanted to end my depression, I needed to have a better attitude about life in general. I needed to be confident. I needed to be brave. I needed to understand that taking risks is fine. I needed to learn from my mistakes to make my life a better experience for myself, my friends, my family, and everyone else I encounter.
The WORST THING I did that triggered depression was doubting myself. My philosophy these days is never doubt my potential which can be super hard because I have my own challenges plus the challenge of how a person with a disability like mine is perceived in the world.
I wished I had talked to my friends about how I was feeling more when I was in high school, but I was afraid to. Now I know, they probably went through some of the feelings I did. And talking about things with people can be very motivating. Having someone show they care about you and that they have a love for you in some fashion is a very uplifting feeling. I have found that if I want to be happier, in general, then I need to surround myself with people I love, that I trust, and that I care about. This always makes me feel better about myself in general and I think it will make you feel better too.
And finally. The last thing. My dear readers, you are about to learn my favorite word in the WHOLE UNIVERSE!
Whenever I felt like I didn’t want to be alive, whenever I felt like I was going to die, whenever I was depressed and couldn’t get out of it . . .No matter how bad it was…I always had one word that kept me going: Hope. It’s a beautiful word really. Say it out loud to yourself: Hope. Just saying it makes me feel like I am on a cloud. This is the word that has driven this very world to limitless possibilities. It’s what got us to the moon. It’s what invented the lightbulb. It’s what drives the progress of all humanity. Hope.
Always remember my dear readers…no matter what happens to you…you will always have hope.
My Name is Austin. I am an artist. I am an art teacher. I am a gamer. I am a storyteller and a writer. I love my community, I love my friends and family, and I am on the Autism Spectrum. My favorite game to play with my friends is Magic the Gathering. My favorite video game to play is Spiral Knights. I am a Guild Master of my Spiral Knights Guild: Altosk. I am an avid Hearthstone player.My favorite food to eat is Mexican Food. Specifically Carne Asada Fries and California Burritos. I went to Art Center College of Design for college and graduated with a degree in Illustration.
Readers may also like by Austin John Jones – Functional Freezes, Trauma Reducing Exercises, and Anxiety and Autism and the Resistance to Change
Great article. Thank you!
Thank you Austin!
Austin—— you are a terrific talent, have a great mind and are fun to work with. Depression is extremely rough but as you described a positive attitude and hope are the best defense for depression. You are an inspiration Austin— love your work….
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