By Ron Sandison
My tone ‘on social media’ ranges from funny to serious, to angry to goofy, but what remains the same is my passion to get my message across and dedication to understanding more about autistic people.
Paige Layle
I enjoyed interviewing author Paige Layle and was refreshed by her honesty, humor, and autistic stories. In March 2020, Paige began sharing on social media her challenges with ADHD and autism. She quickly attracted 2.7M TikTok and 156k Instagram followers and 177K subscribers on YouTube. Four years later she celebrating the release of her first book But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life. Paige’s insight provides clarity and enables us understand the challenges autistic female’s experience.
1. What was your childhood like growing up in Kawartha Lakes, Canada?
Not gonna lie, it was lonely a lot of the time. I was alone often. It took a bike ride to get to the next house down the road, and none of them anywhere near my house had kids my age. It was great to have a little brother to hang out with, but he would hang out with our father outside a lot as we got older, and would be home less and less as he made more friends and had more fun opportunities with them. It was great to have some property to be able to adventure in and interact with, and having a dog and a cat growing up.
2. As a child what were some of your enthusiasms and passions?
I’ve always had an affinity for children and animals. I’m quite good with them and they like me a lot. From dogs and cats, to bugs and frogs and birds and cows. I tutored kids in school, babysat for many lovely families, volunteered at camps for kids every summer since I was eleven, and I even spent half of my grade eleven year in a grade one classroom as a teachers assistant, helping the kids learn how to read. Now, I work part time as a dance teacher, which I think is the most fulfilling work. I get to watch the same kids grow and learn and progress over the years. I’m so lucky and thankful to be someone my dancers can trust and confide in as a mentor throughout their growing years.
When I was little (and even now to be honest), I woke up every morning with an urge to make and draw, build, paint, construct, and invent. I made little houses out of paper, dioramas with cardboard boxes and dollar store figurines, blankets out of scrap pieces of fabric, wallets out of Kool-Aid jammer packages and I sold them for dollars to kids at school. I was a hustler since a young age! (I was VERY insistent with my Swear Jar Rules- 25¢ per swear, except the F bomb and the C bomb were $1. If mine and my brother’s young ears had to hear it, I demanded compensation.) I loved to sing and dance and perform. I was engaged in theatre since the age of six, as I talk about more in my book. I journaled often and expressed myself through creative means. I drew, although I was never all that good at it.
3. What were some challenges you experienced as a child with socializing and how did you adapt to these challenges?
I think in regard to social challenges, I wasn’t given enough attention as a child from my caregivers and had a hard time feeling safe in any environment, which lead to constant extreme
anxiety. Some of the anxiety could have been relieved in an environment where my nervous system felt safe, but unfortunately that’s part of my disability; it’s SO HARD for my nervous system to feel safe, for me to access my higher thinking brain, and get out of fight/flight/freeze survival brain.
It’s weird when you’re stressed and suicidal as a kid. Most other kids can’t relate to you most of the time, and the ones that do never talked about it when I was growing up. That’s changing. I didn’t know what a healthy relationship with others looked like and it was a long time before I found people who actually liked and embraced me and loved me. (Which only came after I started being true to myself.) I wasn’t like the others, and I didn’t want to be more like them, because they were boring compared to what I had going on. I think if I had more neurodivergent friends, and at a young age known we were neurodivergent that would’ve made for easier friendships.
4. What were the circumstances leading to your autism diagnosis?
I accepted defeat to my miserable, stressful life and I tried to kill myself. I did a few times, but I always ended up picking up the pieces myself afterward. It just got super serious and I couldn’t take it- feeling helpless. That really got my doctor’s attention when I told him, and he sprang into gear getting me a referral to a child psychiatrist.
I was suicidal since I was a young girl and had spoken with my doctor dozens of times about my mental health, but it wasn’t until I actually made active steps towards suicide that
anything was done. Which was not okay and not fair. I spoke to the psychiatrist months later and was diagnosed there. For more on my diagnosis process and what the doctor said, you can find a whole CHAPTER on it in my new book But Everyone Feels This Way: How An Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life.
5. How has an autism diagnosis as an adult transform your life for the better?
With an autism diagnosis and being an adult, I know that I can move forward with my life differently than how I was raised, accommodating myself and taking care of myself and loving myself. I know who I am and what I need and I do not deny that for myself. I take care of myself like I deserved to have been taken care of all my life, which is a power you get only from surviving childhood and viewing it on the outside as an adult.
I truly don’t think I would be alive if I didn’t have my autism diagnosis. I didn’t plan to make it to adulthood, because I didn’t see it getting any better. Even if life did get better, it was SO HARD at the time, that it barely even mattered. My autism diagnosis was hope. Finally, I saw a version of me who was older than me. I imagined what she looked like and what she did and who she loved, and I knew it could be possible.
6. I call my sensory issues my “honey badger” moments, do you have any sensory issues? If so what are they and how do you prevent sensory overloads?
Absolutely. I have tons. I think it would be impossible to list all of them, and I’m sure there are lots I have that I don’t even know of yet. First, I’ll talk about preventing overloads.
Take frequent breaks. I try to take as many breaks as I need and change my environment however I need. Sometimes I’m just irritated and angry, and I stop what I’m doing and pay attention to my body: what’s the problem? Oh, my hair is touching my back, there are too many sounds occurring at once, my hands and feet are freezing and I haven’t gone to the bathroom in 8 hours. Then I will take care of myself and change what’s going on; I’ll put my hair up, maybe put music on or earplugs in or leave altogether, I’ll eat some food and move around and put a sweater on, and go to the bathroom.
I try to set myself up for success by anticipating what would bother me and changing it into something that wouldn’t bother me or would bother me less. Sound- noise. Cars driving by. Clanging dishes. Scraping dishes. The furnace. The fridge. The people talking. The birds. It’s all too much. I have earplugs and headphones always to change my noise environment.
Tactile, I only wear clothes that I can easily, comfortably and flexibly move around in without restriction and without it moving around on my body. I don’t like some material, like velvet, sequins, cotton or wool. I don’t like things touching my neck. Being wet. People touching me. I don’t like seams, bras, being barefoot, shoes, hats, masks, washing dishes and showering.
When I am sick, I feel like I could turn into The Hulk at any moment when I am not distracted (sleeping) from how uncomfortable my body feels. The loss of nostril usage has me kicking and punching the bed, it is so uncomfortable and unbearable. The achy muscles, the snot on your face from blowing your nose and the rash you get under your nose from blowing it so much, the tiredness and inability to partake in your daily tasks, the way you smell and can’t even get up, how you can’t eat your foods you want… being sick is awful. I hate it.
I’m very sensitive with food and sometimes can’t even get myself to stomach something. Food is difficult. I try to have safe foods always stocked or close by, and I typically have one safe food per restaurant, just in case, so I’m safe anywhere we go. (Small town things.)
7. What are the three things you like best about being autistic?
1. My memory. Most questions people have are the random things I decided to take note of and memorize. I have so many useful facts (and useless but also interesting.)
2. My ability to connect the dots and find the patterns. It baffles me what people find surprising because when people aren’t changing the pattern, they’re super predictable.
3. My passion. No one works harder than me at something I love.
8. What advice would you give to a young autistic adult struggling with employment?
Ya man, I’m sorry. Employment is hard. Most autistic people aren’t employed. It’s difficult because I don’t want to necessarily give advice to help adhere to the system we have now, cause the system we have now isn’t fair and isn’t sustainable (or even barely applicable) to autistic people. It is tough out here and a lot of jobs aren’t suitable for us. It’s going to be different for everyone; but personally the best thing for me was to start my own business, make my own rules and do what I want every day. I recommend someone else helping with all of the books and the organization and the order of it all, but this is where I’ve found the most success and fulfillment with work.
Follow your passion. There are so many weird trades out there, you don’t even know. And they’re cool and require barely any schooling and can definitely get you by. It depends on what’s accessible to each person, but if you want to be employed I recommend doing a trade in an environment that you like!
9. What challenges have you experienced in dating? And what three dating tips would you share with young adults on the spectrum?
I’ve always had an issue with people thinking I’m flirting with them when I’m really not trying to be. I’ve had issue with people liking me for how I look but not for who I am, and actually disliking who I am. I think these are also the unfortunate consequences of being a woman today, and the autism just exacerbated the extent of the differences. I was with some pretty scummy people who easily manipulated me.
1. Be yourself, and if they don’t like you for who you are, move on and find who does. You are loveable as you are.
2. Be careful. Some people are gonna know you’re vulnerable and want to take advantage of that. Don’t leave yourself without a way out, look up on healthy boundaries and emotional maturity so you know what to look out for, and trust your gut.
3. You need to keep moving forward and focus on yourself, not your ex. Be thankful for what that relationship taught you, and move on. I know a lot of autistic people can struggle with limerence so I just wanted to add this one in there too.
10. What are some cool qualities people with autism can bring to the workplace?
1. Very likely to follow all the rules by the book, flawlessly every time
2. Really driven to performing that task, or completing that job, and way less distracted by socializing doing so.
3. Really good at finding patterns! Figuring out what’s wrong, seeing why something hasn’t been working, viewing a problem in a complete different perspective
4. Unmatchable passion.
5. Innovation! Always trying to make it work faster, easier, more efficiently.
11. Share a humorous story from your life?
Speaking of the Swear Jar,
I was very persistent with it as I was taught swearing was wrong, and I felt it was wrong to swear in front of a kid, so whenever an adult swore in my home in my presence I brought out the jar and pushed for their coins. They ALWAYS ended up paying me. Or maybe my mom just gave me whatever I was owed at the end. (Of course I kept a total, per person.) It was Christmas and an uncle of mine was coming to our home for dinner. We hadn’t seen him in a while and were very excited. I excitedly held my Swear Jar, ready to catch him and make some bank, because this uncle was a potty mouth. Well, he came in the door that night, sat down at the table, handed me a $20 bill and said “That covers me for tonight.” I took the bill and with a grin said, “Yes, it does!” Then I convinced the other adults to do the same so I wouldn’t bother them if I heard them swear, too (as I was VERY annoying in the perspective of an adult.) That’s the night my swear jar and my family made me $200 bucks.
12. Who are some of your favorite autistic advocates?
Some of my favorite autistic advocates are Ellie Middleton, Chloe Hayden, Daniel Jones, Morgan Foley, Nicole Parish, Kaelynn Partlow and Candy Courn.
13. What inspired you to write But Everyone Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved My Life?
I’ve had a pen and paper on me since I can remember, which is pretty far. I’ve been writing my experiences out for myself all these years, and it wasn’t until my social media channels gained popularity that I thought others might benefit from hearing about this experience.
I get the same questions over and over again, questions I have answered OVER and OVER again, but they’re lost in the sea of videos I’ve created. I wanted one full, solid unit of information that contained what l thought was my most important information that could be used as a resource. It was another step to reaching more people and making my story accessible to help people. Even if it’s just one person. That one person could’ve been me.
14. Reflecting upon your life while writing your book, what lessons did you learn?
I learned that my childhood was actually sadder than I thought it was and the emotional neglect I received in my childhood exacerbated my more difficult autism traits, and I could have had an easier time with life if I had learned about emotions and emotional regulation. I learned that reading books is like looking into the minds of other people and their lives and experiences, and that’s what knowledge is, and that’s what being human is all about.
15. Are you planning a book tour? What are some places you would love to speak?
Undetermined, but very open to it! I would love to speak across Canada and the US, as well as everywhere in the UK! Ideally, the book will be picked up by other publishing companies in other countries (I’m talking to you specifically Australia) and in other languages as well, and I’d like to make it to those places. There is a higher concentration of my followers in Chicago, New York City, Toronto, Brisbane, Sydney, Dallas, Houston, Los Angeles and Melbourne, so I’d like to hit those cities for sure!
16. You have 2.7 million followers on Tik Tok, how did you build your social media platform?
I don’t even know! I didn’t mean to. It was all very fast. I just spoke and posted sometimes and out of nowhere, some of them got popular. That’s the difficult thing with TikTok you can’t really predict what’s going to blow up. The algorithm is all over the place and it is not consistent. It feels like the lottery. TikTok provides no monetary value to me, so I decided to make longer videos and post them to YouTube. I shout out my YouTube on TikTok because watching those videos is free for others, helpful, and supporting me. I don’t worry about growing my platform and getting bigger, because people knowing me actually is scary to me. I just post what I want, now, which changes every day, as I do.
17. What are some ways you have used your social media to advocate for the autism community?
I started advocating for autism on TikTok, and I have been making videos on there and YouTube for 4 years now. I talk about my experiences, my thoughts and feelings, patterns that I can recognize and questions I have. My tone ranges from funny to serious, to angry to goofy, but what remains the same is my passion to get my message across and dedication to understanding more about autistic people.
18. Do you have any pets or emotional support pets?
Yes! I have 4 pets; 2 dogs and 2 cats. My dogs are named Macey (German Shepherd) and Medusa (Noodle) (Newfoundland Poodle). The cats are Mikado and Marlin. Names are impossible to narrow down, so I have a rule that helps me be able to name my animal. Macey trained as a service dog for almost a year, but it was just not suited for her high energy and athleticism. It’s okay, ‘cause she’s a good girl. They’re all lovely and make me feel like life is important.
19. What are some current project you are working on?
Currently I am working on publicity for my new book, so I’ll be around, hopefully, doing talks and interviews and hosting meet and greets. Then later this year, I’m actually going to be filming a movie! I can’t share too much about it (and I haven’t said ANYTHING to my socials or anything at all), but all I can say is it’s filming in 2024 and its going to be awesome, and I have a lot of memorizing to do! Words can’t describe how thrilled I am to be working on it, and I must leave you patiently a waiting to hear more information.
20. How can people reach out to you for a speaking or book signing event?
In regard to anything book related, one can reach out to my publicity manager, Lauren lauren.rosenthal@hbgusa.com. For other inquiries such as social media sponsorships and speech opportunities, contact mgmt@paigelayle.ca.
Paige Layle Biography
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at the age of 15, Paige Layle is an advocate and influencer for a better understanding of autism on social media. Paige began making videos in response to a degrading post about autistic people, initially creating a four part series to address common misconceptions about autism. Now in her twenties, Paige is an autism acceptance activist on YouTube and TikTok and has 2.7 million followers on TikTok. Paige also works part-time as a dance teacher and shares her home in Kawartha Lakes, Canada with her dogs, Macey and Medusa and cats, Mikado and Marlin.
She narrated the Audible Original American Girl by Wendy Walker, “an instant #1 Audible bestseller.”
Amazon Book Link to But Every Feels This Way: How an Autism Diagnosis Saved
My Life: https://www.amazon.com/But-Everyone-Feels-This-Way/dp/0306831252
TitTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@paigelayle?lang=en
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@realpaigelayle
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paigelayle/?hl=en
Paige Top TitTok Videos:
Room Service: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMRcVKMU/
Autism in Girls: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMRcCLFj/
Really Hot: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMRcsVej/
Ron Sandison works full time in the medical field and is a professor of theology at Destiny School of Ministry. He is an advisory board member of Autism Society Faith Initiative of Autism Society of America. Sandison has a Master of Divinity from Oral Roberts University and is the author of A Parent’s Guide to Autism: Practical Advice. Biblical Wisdom, published by Charisma House and Thought, Choice, Action. Ron has memorized over 10,000 Scriptures including 22 complete books of the New Testament and over 5,000 quotes. Ron’s third book Views from the Spectrum was released in May 2021.
Ron frequently guest speaks at colleges, conferences, autism centers, and churches. Ron and his wife, Kristen, reside in Rochester Hills, MI, with a baby daughter, Makayla Marie born on March 20, 2016.
You can contact Ron at his website www.spectruminclusion.com or email him at sandison456@hotmail.com
