I can see that you need me
but I don’t know how or why,
and I can see that you’re broken
but I just can’t understand – understand me.
It’s not the things in front of me that I can’t see.
It’s everything that’s behind your face
and all your neurotypical ways
that confound me.
If you only took the time
just to try to see through my eyes –
the way I spend my life,
trying to unravel your mysteries.
Then maybe we could be fine.
Maybe even normal.
Until then I guess we’ll wait,
you on one side and I on the other –
because there is no halfway point.
So sick of trying to be normal,
why should I have to change for you?
It’s like I’m blindfolded,
and deaf to you – and everything you are.”
Every day that slips away
I sink further in my mind,
if it’s not a normal day
I lose all sense of time;
routine helps keep the peace
in my upside down world.
I gaze up through the trees
and watch the branches as the curl:
a mess of various directions –
confusion in the midst of calm.
I think of all the past rejections
entwined with all the unjust harm.
So many things I cannot understand
because I see things differently.
It’s like I live alone in my own little land
and I wander around somewhat aimlessly.
I can see the people but we’re separate –
it’s so much easier to ignore their life –
and I’m such an unlikely candidate
to interact with them – but still I try.”
“I WON’T LET GO
No it’s not the end and I can’t fall down,
I’m not through with this and I won’t leave now,
You just wait and see it’ll all fall into place,
I cannot live knowing my life is a waste,
I will get my way because I know what’s best,
I refuse to fail I need to succeed like the rest,
My life was stolen from me and at that point I froze,
I went down a different path it wasn’t what I chose,
So now I’m back at that point where it all went wrong,
The decision is yours just please don’t take long,
It’s the rest of my life and I need you to care,
Nobody else listens and I don’t find that fair,
I’m asking you nicely but I will not give in,
This is what’s happening and trust me I’ll win.”