Sometimes I stare

By S. Scott Sanderson

I am Autistic, I have Asperger’s. Having Asperger’s allows me to look at the world uniquely. While I am very educated with two master’s degrees, I have had a difficult time with employment. I often have had to struggle with anxiety and communication. Recently I have begun to incorporate autistic themes into my writing. I especially like writing about my feelings and perceptions.  It is after all, who I am.

I was attending the Tampa Bay Rays, major league baseball game, with friends from our church. To help me cope I wore sunglasses and earplugs. I bought a program and looked at that. Though I am a baseball fan, there were times, as noted in the poem that I looked elsewhere.  What came of that experience was this poem.

Sometimes I Stare

Sometimes I stare off into space and into my own world
It is peaceful there. I mean no harm.
You see, life here is over-focused, over-stimulated, over- cluttered.
I do not mean to be rude. . .
But, I did not listen. You are right. I did not hear or see.
What was that you wanted me to know?
Input not received.

Sometimes I stare off into space
And notice a little bug, or brightly colored leaf.
They make me happy. They bring me peace.
Even though, I know. . .
That my staring may seem out of place.
“Look!” you say,
“Over here, is the main event. The show we came to see, the game we bought tickets for.”
“You missed the play. What were you doing?”
Something alone.

Sometimes I stare off into space,
And see that man with the funny hat
Or that little girl who seems sad, when everyone else is happy.
I notice things.
Not the things that everyone else is looking at,
But things nonetheless.
I mean no harm. I like this world, for it is mine.
It is safe. It is serene. It is real.

In my mind.

***

S. Scott Sanderson writes fiction and non-fiction, poetry and essays. He has many interests especially religion, philosophy and culture.  He is married and the parent of a Shih Tzu, who thinks that her parents are her employers.  To read more about S. Scott visit his blog.