A message to bullies and those they bully

Noushka "Bees"

I’ve never heard of bees getting bullied before.

By Noushka

A blog written for Bullying Prevention Month

Part 1: A “how far I’ve come” list

I was fragile. I am strong.
I was naive. I am cynical.
I was singled out. I am cherry-picked.
I was hurt. I am healing. Slowly.
I was bitter. I am able to forgive.
I was despressed. I am hopeful.
I was constantly scared. I am growing in confidence.
I was a goth. I am decora.

Part 2: A blog I wrote for the Art of Autism for Bullying Prevention month

I have been subject to bullying from a young age… in the UK, in the 90’s at least, long weird names that didn’t look or sound English were a magnet for ridicule. I know it’s a far cry from present-day but kids are savage. No one teaches them to be, it’s just instinctive insecurity that fuels this behavior. I won’t go through all the messy details of my personal experiences. First there’s enough bullying victim accounts as it is, and secondly it will upset people without providing hope or a solution. Instead I use my past to tell others going through the same awful stuff that it does end. You may feel like the cause of this bullying. You may be convinced there is something wrong with you or you deserve this, or that even if you don’t deserve it there’s no hope of it stopping. Where there’s people there is insecurity. People form groups. People who don’t find a group get targeting. It’s a no-man’s land outside of those cliques.

 If you are a target, know this…

You have been noticed for who you really are. No mask will hide it afterwards because you are genuine and cliques fear individualism.  Bullies live daily behind masks, constantly trying to keep their place in the pecking order. Don’t you dare waste further time trying to get into a group, or running from a group. Tell everyone possible that can support you –  teachers (yes they can be useless so just get it on paper then move onto people higher up than them); your family; friends; police. Keep on going up the chain of command until someone stops the bullying. Bullying can affect you mentally and people drag that past round decades later. Bullying can develop into deadly eating disorders, cancer and depression leading to suicide. You are stronger, more independent than those bullies ever will be. They know that and they try to squash everyone lower than them. If they really think they are God’s gift to the world, their delusion will be smashed worse than you already are as they move onto the next chapter of the denial that is their toxic life.

 If you are a bully, know this…

Making someone else feel lower than you will not make you higher. Your mask will crack and fall completely off sooner or later. Words are seeds  – you may sow what sounds meaningless now, but you will be forever starved because those seeds will grow into a thorny mass and suffocate the field that was once your life. Whatever you inflict on others will affect you in the same way. Even if you don’t feel bad for what you do and say, that’s a sure sign you lack love. Love is life. You can’t function or be genuine or likable without love. So try to grow some of that love instead of your own fickle insecurities.

Groups form and disperse but words form and can take root forever. Next time you think critically about someone, imagine if it was said out loud. Where will that person be in 20, 30, 40 years time? You could be contributing to a suicide and not  be around when it actually happens. But your words will be ringing loudly in that person’s ears when they do something to permanently silence it.

 I know this article is dark, moody, brutal… but so is bullying. I need to be even blunter and get this across to teachers or whoever is above them.

Anti-bullying weeks don’t work. No matter how many funds are poured out, or how many minds develop awareness-raising ideas, it will never completely prevent bullying. People care about their own social status, not a unified planet where people’s cultures and languages bear no relevance on their own personal life. We are human, not bees with a hive-mentality. We need to approach bullying accounting for the original territory it breeds from. I’ve never heard of bees getting bullied before. They may get kicked out of the hive purely for survival reasons, but I haven’t found a single source stating bees form cliques or a distorted self-image.

 I hope everyone who reads this will learn and become more secure in themselves without having to kick boxes, fake stuff, or develop dependencies. Please share this page to raise awareness of the consequences of bullying. We need to hit society hard with the most real and heartbreaking consequences of bullying.

 Never let anything or anyone reduce your self-worth.

If you agree, comment below and share this post.
 
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Noushka

Because I live with autism, I needed to develop a survival tool kit to fit a bit better into the neurotypical world. I  want to share what worked for me, to help others with the same problems.  I also design and develop illustrated resources to improve decision making skills and apply cbt techniques.

 It sounds a bit sci-fi, but I believe everything we see physically manifest, starts with an idea: aka the mind. If you can start and end life with a healthy mind, your life overall will be better in both quality and length.

Noushka’s website is here.

 

 

 

Readers may also like: How to Keep Bullies at Bay for Those on the Autism Spectrum

3 Comments

  • Richard Cave says:

    Wonderfully said, and having been severely bullied in my formative years at school I vowed, having left comprehensive school, never to let anyone physically or mentally take advantage of my kind, caring, sensitive and “non-sheep” nature. I am proud to be me – not a member of a pack, conformist, lackie or denegrate because of insecurities in my life.

  • Hi Noushka:

    children with long-sounding names are still bullied.

    Some of them are even killed for it.

    I am happy you exist and are alive.

    And you go Richard Cave!

    Insecurities do make and break us – we don’t have to be “pack members”; “conformists”; “lackies” or “denegrate” because we think these things would bring us security.

    Reading lots of material for Bullying Prevention Month. I saw on the Friendship Circle a really cool poster board by Karen Wang.

  • Hi Noushka,

    I enjoyed reading your words, and as a teacher of young children, I have a few thoughts…

    ~ I am sorry for the cruel things people have done to you in the past. Thank you for sharing a portion of the pain you’ve experienced. To do so is very brave in my opinion.

    ~ Sharing so openly WILL help others currently suffering in silence, and I’m certain it already has. Good for YOU.

    ~ Your autism is a GIFT to be valued, protected, understood, shared, and celebrated. I firmly believe this.

    ~ The concept of your Survival Tool kit for the neurotypical world is brilliant. I can’t wait to learn more of what helps you, so I can incorporate those ideas in my classroom.

    ~ You may be interested in my friend Gabriel’s story, an Autistic Savant who experienced brutal bullying as well, all through school and into young adulthood. His relatively late diagnosis as an adult has compelled him to share his story with others, and he’s even just published a book. 🙂

    Gab is on several social media platforms, but his YouTube channel is a great place to start:
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLlt2KN7vGoUZpxsRCaVPKQ

    You both have such powerful lessons that all of humanity NEEDS to learn + implement in the neurotypical world, a surface reality that the rest of us “regular humans” take for granted.

    OK…so I guess this was more that a “few”, LOL

    Thanks again for sharing, I truly appreciate it! 🙂
    ~ jennifer

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